Titular stimulation

Fancy a title but don't want to bother with genealogy?  Here are six ways to rectify this:

1. Be knighted by the Queen.
2. Become a bishop in the Church of England.
3. Become a High Court judge.
4. Become a Baronet.
5. Purchase a feudal title of a Scottish baron.
6. Give £1,000,000 to the Labour party.

It used to be, the king or queen (the 'fount of honours') would bestow upon individuals land and an hereditary title, such as duke, marquess, earl, viscount, or baron.  This entitled the bearer to sit in the House of Lords, and for the eldest male to inherit the title.  Since 1958, 'life peers' could be awarded which conferred the same benefits but could not be inherited. 

'Baronets' is the only hereditary title which is not a peerage, but in the last 50 years only one has been created (in 1990, for Margaret Thatcher's husband).  Interestingly, in Britain only individuals are ennobled, not entire families as in most European countries, but of course family members are often given honorific titles. Generally, a 'Lady' is the wife of a noble, while a 'dame' (or Baroness, Countess, etc.) is a noble in her own right. (This is not strictly true, but defining all the styles of address would be tedious and, unless you run in certain social circles, unnecessary.  Just remember that you never turn your back on the Queen.)

The sovereigns also established various 'orders of chivalry,' such as the Order of the Garter.  Within an order are different classes; junior members usually have post-nominal initials, while senior members are awarded titles as well.  These are never hereditary.  Until the 19th century, these were only for military or civil service,  but in 1917 George V established the 'Order of the British Empire' to recognize achievement in any field.  This order includes five classes; only the first two confer a title:

• Knight Grand Cross (GBE) or Dame Grand Cross (GBE)
• Knight Commander (KBE) or Dame Commander (DBE)
• Commander of the British Empire (CBE)
• Officer of the British Empire (OBE)
• Member of the British Empire (MBE)

So Catherine Zeta Jones CBE does not have a title, while Dame Judi Dench DBE does.  The Queen can also award a Knight Bachelor, which is outside the orders of chivalry.  Thus, Sir Paul McCartney MBE, and Sir David Attenborough CBE both have titles.  (Note that membership requires swearing allegiance to the Queen, so foreigners, such as Bob Geldof KBE, are recognized with "honorary" titles and should not be addressed as Sir.) 

While it used to be the privilege of the King, today the government (with input from various groups and other Commonwealth countries) draws up an 'honours' list twice a year, on New Years and the Queen's Birthday.  In addition, a resigning prime minister is also allowed to submit an honours list.  The Queen (or member of the Royal Family) then presides over vesting ceremonies throughout the year. In 2006, it was revealed that several people recommended for 'life peerages' had given loans of over £1 million to the Labour party.  Although no one was formally charged, it may have contributed to Tony Blair stepping down as Prime Minister in 2007.  Blair never submitted his post-resignation honours list.

Finally, you can purchase a feudal title of a Scottish baron.  In England and Wales, feudal titles (where the title was attached to the land rather than the person) were abolished in the 17th century, but in Scotland this was only abolished in 2000, and (as of 2004) the titles could be freely traded.  According to baronytitles.com, only about 15 are sold per year, and generally cost between £50,000 and £1,000,000. Although formally you could be addressed as 'Baron,' generally it would simply be 'John of Edinburgh.'

Of course, there are many people who will sell you a title, and a bridge to go with it.  The Honours (Prevention of Abuses) Act of 1925 prohibits selling a title, and really the only people who care that you have a title are the ones who already have one, and they only care if you inherited one.