Belfast

A month ago, when I started upon this crazy scheme, I had three open weekends and three destinations. It didn't matter what order I went, and I happened to pick Northern Ireland on July 12.

Big mistake.

The only clue that something was amiss was when I was looking for a car park in Belfast, and it said it was closed Christmas and July 12. That seemed very odd, so I googled it and found the "Orange order" held an annual parade on the 12th. Great, I love parades!

I was at a restaurant Thursday night and the waitress happened to be from Donegal, so I mentioned I was going to Northern Ireland the next day and I got a long sideways stare, the kind you give crazy people before you cross the road to avoid them. She politely said, "You've been there before, have you?" I cheerfully replied, "No, first time!" Her response was a bit muffled, but I think she said, "Oh, Jesus."

She started to give me a list of places to avoid when I said I wanted to see the parade. Again I'm not sure, but I think she said, "Oh f*cking Jesus" and walked away.

So I looked into it a little more and realised the mine field I was walking into. When Henry VIII broke from the Catholic Church, you would have thought his heirs would have happily assumed the mantle of "head of the church" but not all were so willing, including his daughter, Mary. However, the biggest issue was James II, who was not only pro-Catholic but also pro-France!

James was tolerated because the heir apparent was his daughter (also Mary) who was strongly Protestant. However, at the age of 55 James had a son, and the rules of progeniture dictated the son jump the queue to become heir. (The rules were finally changed last year.) When James announced his son would be Catholic, that was too much for the Protestant elite, and they invited his daughter (who had married William of Orange) to depose her father.

As a side note, the house of Orange still rules the Netherlands. Spare them a thought every time you see a carrot--originally purple, they were specifically bred orange to honor the ruling family.

In 1688, William and Mary sailed to England and James fled to France, as his army and navy both switched allegiances. He still claimed to be King, and in 1690 he raised a small army and invaded Ireland, which still had a sizeable Catholic population. However, he was defeated at the Battle of the Boyne by the "loyalists" of William of Orange.

So, invading army defeated, sounds like a great excuse for a party! Unfortunately, the Protestants ruthlessly oppressed the Catholics, and did so for the next 300 years, until it finally exploded in what is colloquially known as "The Troubles." While sectarian violence is down, it certainly hasn't stopped, and to throw an annual parade to celebrate that oppression seems like an awfully bad idea.

And to visit during that weekend was an even worse idea.

To be continued...