Food

Q: What do you get when you cross a vegetarian with four coeliacs, one lactose intolerant and one nut allergy?

A: Delicious food.

Long gone are the days when being diagnosed as coeliac was a culinary death sentence.  Today, even in the erstwhile backwaters of New Zealand, there is a gluten free aisle in every supermarket, and although the bulk of items are pre-packaged cakes unfit for human consumption, they taste more or less the same as pre-packaged cakes in the bread aisle. There are several brands of gluten-free pasta, ranging from passable to "tastes like corn" (because it is corn).  Of course, pasta was only ever meant as a vehicle for sauce and I can empty the crisper tray into a skillet and turn out a fantastic sauce.  (Of course each child will pick certain things out--one the mushrooms, one the chickpeas, one the pasta--but that's normal.)

Cheese makes everything go down better, except for the lactose-intolerant where cheese acts in the reverse direction.  Fortunately she is responding well to the lactase tablets, and so the rest of us do not have to suffer (either from the lack of cheese or the digestive complaining after).  The nut allergy was a bit of a challenge to adapt to, which is funny considering I was nut-free for almost ten years, and only started eating them again about a year ago.  (However, I've been making up for lost time and eating quite a lot of nuts.)  After several accusations of trying to kill the child, I've learned to use two knives to make a peanut butter and jam sandwich -- and to make sure I don't double-dip the jam knife after it has touched the peanut butter.

All that aside, I'm used to cooking for one person, two tops, and even then my chef skills greatly atrophied during the 18 months while I was travelling for work. Suddenly cooking for five has been a challenge.  I get laughed at when I put out a small pan for pasta -- and out comes the large stock pot.  I know longer buy bagged lettuce because the kids will demolish an entire head of iceberg in a day.  (I also have to guard the cucumber jealously or it will never reach the table.)

Thankfully, although the kids can be fickle, they aren't against trying new foods, so I've been able to introduce mexican, thai and even some Jewish foods.  They can't deal with spice so I've toned things down, although they still have a glass of milk ready whenever I feed them, just in case.

And although their mom hasn't raised them vegetarian, meat was never a focus of the meal, and so they haven't missed it at all.  I did feed them brisket once--although it was a small amount in a large bowl of cabbage borscht.  (I also gave them beer--although it was a small amount in a large vat of Welsh rarebit, served with a locally produced fig chutney and some vine-ripened tomatoes.  Absolute heaven.)

Sugar rush

I've just been reading the (large body) of scientific evidence that flies in the face of what every parent knows: There is no link between sugar and hyperactivity in kids.

To be fair, I already knew this from a conversation I had with a pediatrician years ago: The body tightly regulates blood sugar level, ensuring a steady supply to the brain.  If you eat a small amount of sugar, such as a teaspoon, it will have no noticeable effect on blood sugar.  If you eat a significant amount of sugar (say, a soda) then the body will release insulin, which triggers the cells in your body to convert the sugar to triglycerides and store it away for future use, effectively removing it from the bloodstream.

In some people, the insulin removes too much sugar, temporarily causing hypoglycemia, or a sugar crash, but that's rare.  You mid-afternoon sleepiness is not caused by a lack of sugar, and your recovery is not caused by a rush of sugar; it's caused by the act of eating and relaxing as much as the placebo effect--since you expect to feel better after eating a sugary snack, you do feel better.

Why, then, do kids seem to behave so badly after eating sugar?  Again, it's the context--if they are at a celebration, with other kids, they are bound to act up.  If their parents are indulging them with sugar, it's likely they are indulging them in general.  The expectation is they will act up, and kids readily oblige.

So if there is no such thing as a sugar rush or a sugar crash, I have one more question: Is there a sugar hangover?  In the morning after, they certain seem to exhibit the classic signs of withdrawal: Difficult to rouse, anti-social behavior and an over-riding desire for the tail-of-the-dog, more sugar.  From hot chocolate to ice cream, it doesn't seem to matter how miserable they feel, sugar is the answer.

Of course, kids don't have the self-awareness to blame their mood on the sugar; it's the person who woke them, or gave them an omelette instead of pancakes (with jam and syrup).  Or in my case, the person who physically lifted them up and put them in the car, because we had prior commitments that morning.  However, by noon I got a hug, an apology, and an "I love you."

I still get tired in the afternoon, and I still reach for a sugary sweet as a pick-me-up, but I also don't start screaming, crying and throwing things when I don't get my way.  Unfortunately I can't blame it on the sugar; I will have to recognise it was my own fault for not controlling the situation and letting them stay up too late.  Perhaps that's the hardest part of being a parent--whenever you try to reward them, it ends up biting you.

New Zealand vagaries

I'm in Paraparaumu, about 45 minutes north of Wellington.  State Highway 1 passes through Paekakariki, Pukerua, Paremata, Papakowhai, Porirura, Paparangi and Ngauranga before reaching Wellington harbour.  Those are all transliterations of Maori names, so they sound (more or less) like the look, except Paekakariki is pronounced "pie-cock-a-riki."  Also, "wh" is prnounced "f" most of the time.  But not always.

New Zealand is about the same size as Colorado, but only has 4.2 million people, and more than a third of them live in Auckland. (Colorado has 5.3 million people, and only 12% live in Denver.) About 500,000 live in Wellington (the capitol city) and 400,000 in Christchurch (on the south island).  Outside those three cities, the population density is less than 19 people per square mile, as you can see from this map.

The UK, by contrast, is slightly smaller than New Zealand (94,000 square miles compared to 106,000 square miles) but has 15 times as many people, with an average population density of 675 people per square mile!

New Zealand is a weird conglomeration of British and American culture, with a bit of Maori thrown in for flavour.  They use English spelling, they drive on the left and the second floor is still the first floor. "Stop" signs aren't as common as"Give way" signs (with predicatbly hilarious results) and intersections are as common as roundabouts.  (They also appear to be experimenting with X-shaped intersections, which just shows that civil engineers really do have a sense of humour.)  Courgettes are back to zucchini, and aubergines are back to eggplants, but yams are called "kumera" and bell peppers are called "capsicums."

Despite a very large dairy industry (both cows and sheep), the variety and quality of cheese is appalling.  Generally, they sell mild cheeses in large, one kilogram blocks. You can't even find a sharp cheddar, never mind a decent mozzarella.  Locally grown produce is quite reasonable, but anything imported is astronomical.  There are only three national supermarket chains -- Countdown, New World, Pak'nSave -- and two of those are owned by the same company.  There is a large chain called "Commonsense Organics" which sells specialty foods at eye-watering prices.

The main petrol chain is called "Z" and instead of Nectar points you collect "Fly Buys" (which you can no longer use to fly).  Unlike the US, which couldn't handle the metric system, or the UK, which bastardized the metric system, New Zealand is purely on the metric system, so at 44 I'm finally having to figure out what a kilometer is.  This old dog does not like learning new tricks.

The weather is highly variable, unless you're in Wellington, in which case it's always windy.  Where I am gets about 3 times as much rain as Los Angeles, but evenly spread over the year.  (It's about the same amount as Glasgow.) Christmas is the longest day of the year, and most people spend it at the beach.  No matter where you are in New Zealand, you're never more than 80 miles from the ocean.

Because it's below the equator, of course drains spin in the opposite direction, and the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.