Dunkirk Spirit

I mentioned Dunkirk Spirit in my post on idioms last week, and coincidentally today was its 70th anniversary.

In September 1939, Germany invaded Poland, sparking World War II.  However, despite having overwhelming forces, and ignoring their own commitments, both France and Britain chose not to attack, leading to a nine-month lull during which Hitler was able to regroup and, in May 1940, launch a blitzkrieg against the Allies.

In just two weeks, the Luftwaffe and Panzer tank divisions cut separate lines through the Netherlands and France, separating the British and French forces, and trapping nearly 400,000 troops -- mostly British -- at Dunkirk, on the coast.  The shores were too shallow to effect a rescue, the land too flat to mount a defense, and the Germans tanks were prepared for a final assault which would effectively wipe out the British military.  The situation was bleak--King George VI told the entire country to pray, and the War Cabinet considered surrender.

But on May 25, Hitler ordered the tanks to wait for the infantry, which was three days behind, and in what can only be described as the greatest "hail mary" of all time, Britain put out a call for all seaworthy vessels to gather in southern England.  Defended by the Royal Air Force, a flotilla of some 700 boats -- mostly fishing vessels and pleasure craft, the smallest only 15 feet long -- sailed to Dunkirk on May 27, shuttling soldiers to the British destroyers offshore.  Military experts estimated only 30,000 soldiers would be saved, but instead the Germans were held off for 9 days while 338,000 soldiers were rescued.

Winston Churchill called it a "miracle of deliverance" but also reminded Parliament it was "a colossal military disaster" and "wars are not won by evacuations."  Nearly 50,000 soldiers had been captured, Britain lost most of its heavy artillery, Belgium had already surrendered, and France saw it as an act of abandonment, which no doubt contributed to their surrender three weeks later.

However, Churchill went on to say:

You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be.... We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

(Full audio transcript here.)

Eurovision

Imagine the US had a singing competition where every state put forth one artist. Now imagine only songs with no commercial appeal can be used. And every state had its own language. And acts were apparently not chosen on merit.

And if that weren't enough, imagine every state voted for other states by giving them "douze points" (French for 12). Put it all together and you have Eurovision.

From 7 countries in 1956 to 39 today--including Russia, Croatia, Iceland, Armenia, and Israel--it is a remarkable testament to how far Europe has come in the past 50 years. It is also a stark reminder that "music by committee" never works. It shouldn't be any surprise, then, that the most famous artists to come out of this mess are Abba and Celine Dion.

The only surprising thing is how much I enjoy it. My pick from tonight's semi-final was Belgium, but you should probably watch Malta to really get a taste for what Eurovision is all about. (You have to wait 2 minutes to see the bird man, but it's so worth it.)

The final is this Saturday, 29 May.

Feels like home

Jess and I saw Randy Newman this week.  (Plus Flight of the Conchords and Carmen -- it was an eclectic week.)  He sang Feels Like Home, which I'd never heard before, but really struck a chord.  I'll let the song speak for itself. 

Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms.

There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life.

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how low I've felt so long.
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done.

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm on the way back
Where I come from.
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm on the way back
Where I belong.

A window breaks
Down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night.
But I'm all right
'Cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see
Through the dark there's light.

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch.
If you knew how happy you are making me.
I never thought I'd love anyone so much.

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm on the way back to where I come from.

2012

I want the 2012 Olympics to not suck more than anyone--after all, I live here now, and I work for the IT company that supports them! Unfortunately, the city itself is not cooperating. Of course they have the usual issues of being over budget and behind schedule, which were exacerbated by the financial meltdown, but these were self-inflicted:

-- First, the official logo cost US $800,000 and looks like a perverted Simpsons character. -- Second, in case you missed it (or deliberately blocked it from your mind) the 2008 handover could not have been more embarrassing: London came in a bus and did a ridiculous dance (because London is known internationally for its dance). The sight of mayor Boris Johnson -- the only mayor in the world more ridiculous than California's -- oafishly waving an oversized flag is forever burned into my retinas. -- Third, Anish Kapoor, a fantastic artist and sculptor, was tasked with designing a tower next to the Olympic stadium.  That it serves no functional purpose is bad; that it has no use after the Olympics is worse; that it looks like a Möbius strip on acid is just too much. (Fly-by video here.) -- And now they've announced the official mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville, cyclops aliens made from steel. If you hate life, you can watch their full video here. Hopefully it's viewable outside of the UK. Actually, I hope it's not.

As one does

I've already translated about 400 words and phrases from British to American english; now we move on to the advanced class: idioms. The dictionary defines idiom as "an expression used for its figurative meaning rather than literal meaning."  In other words, these phrases mean absolutely nothing outside of English culture:

• If you argue the toss, you continue to argue even after you've lost, or you will argue about anything, even if you don't believe in your own argument. (We say 'play devil's advocate.')
• If you are at a loose end, you have spare time but don't know what to do with it.
• If you are on your back foot, you are at a disadvantage and forced to be defensive of your position. (I think this is from tennis.)
• Life is not all beer and skittles, meaning that it is not about self-indulgence and pleasure. 
• Someone who wears belt and braces is very cautious and takes no risks. (‘Braces’ are suspenders, so belt and braces are making doubly-sure your trousers don't fall down.)
• A person who is as bent as a nine bob note is dishonest. The reference comes from pre-decimalisation in UK (1971), when a ten shilling (bob) note was valid currency but no such note as nine shillings existed. (The American version is ‘three dollar bill.’)
• If things are as black as Newgate's knocker, they are very bad. (Newgate was an infamous prison in England, so its door knocker meant trouble.)
• Just turn left and Bob's your uncle, you're there.  This idiom means that something will be easy or successful.
• If you are box clever, you use your intelligence to get what you want, even if you have to cheat a bit.
• Someone who has the brass neck has no sense of shame about what they do.
• When you break your duck, that means you are doing something for the first time.
• If you beat somebody by a long chalk, you win easily and comfortably.
• If something is cheap as chips, it is very inexpensive. (If it is expensive, then it's dear.)
• Bringing coals to Newcastle is doing something that is completely unnecessary. (Newcastle was a big coal mining town.)
• Someone whose actions or lifestyle will inevitably result in trouble is going to come a cropper.  (We might say 'get his comeuppance.')
• Someone who is daft as a brush is rather stupid. 
• If something is expected to have a great effect or impact but doesn't, it is a damp squib
• If people do a runner, they leave a restaurant without paying.
• If something is double Dutch, it is completely incomprehensible. (I could fill a post of English slurs against the Dutch.)
• If something is dull as ditchwater, it is incredibly boring. (Americans use 'dull as dishwater.')
• Dunkirk spirit is when people pull together to get through a very difficult time.
• If someone, especially a politician, is economical with the truth, they leave out information in order to create a false picture of a situation, without actually lying. 
• If everybody has a fair crack of the whip, they all have equal opportunities to do something.
• If someone tries to sell you something that has fallen of the back of a lorry, they are trying to sell you stolen goods.
• A person who talks for England, talks a lot-if you do something "for England," you do it a lot or to the limit.
• If something is the Full Monty, it is the real thing, not reduced in any way. (It doesn't have anything to do with male strippers.
• When things go pear-shaped they have either gone wrong or produced an unexpected and unwanted result.
• If you grasp the nettle, you deal bravely with a problem.
• If someone says "I'll have your guts for garters," they are threatening you.
• If you are holding the baby, then you are responsible for something.
• Someone in rude health is very healthy and look it.
• Jam tomorrow means someone is promised something that will never come.
• If someone is very enthusiastic, they are as keen as mustard.
• If someone tells you to keep your wig on, they mean calm down.
• If you have to kick your heels, you are forced to wait for the result or outcome of something. (We say "cool your heels" for equally undiscernible reasons.)
• If something is like giving a donkey strawberries, people fail to appreciate its value.
• If someone loses their bottle, they lose the courage to do something.
• If something's money for old rope, it's a very easy way of making money.
• A nosy (or nosey) parker is someone who is excessively interested in other people's lives.
• If someone is on Carey Street, they are heavily in debt or have gone bankrupt.
• If you do something on the trot, that means 'consecutively'. e.g. I saw them three days on the trot.
• If you over-egg the pudding, you spoil something by trying to improve it excessively. (It can also used if someone is making something look bigger or more important than it really is.)
• If you go keep referring to old problems, making trouble for someone, you are raking over old coals.
• If you send someone to Coventry, you refuse to talk to them or co-operate with them.
• If someone throws a spanner in the works, they ruin a plan. (A spanner is a wrench.)
• If you need to spend a penny, you need to go to the toilet.
• If someone comes to a sticky end, they die in an unpleasant way.
• If you are on a sticky wicket, you are in a difficult situation. (Similar to being 'up a creek.')
• A new project may have teething problems.
• If something is tickety-boo, it is fine or OK.  (American equivalent is ‘hunky-dory.’)
• As the actress said to the bishop. This idiom is used to highlight when someone makes an accidental sexual reference.

But I must say, my favorite phrase is "as one does." I'm sure it started out innocently enough, but now it's used strictly sarcastically, usually when someone is describing themself in an unusual situation.  For me, it just sums up the dry humor the English are famous for.

Crisps

In the UK, 'chips' are 'crisps,' and they are the snack of choice-half of all children here eat a packet per day, which translates into five gallons of oil per year.

Flavourings go way beyond "sour cream and onion", "barbecue", and "nacho cheese."  Walker's, the most popular crisp manufacturer, just introduced 15 new flavours:

Other flavours include:

• Sausage
• Tomato
• Scampi
• Roast ox
• Lamb and mint sauce
• Maple-smoked barbecue
• Blue stilton and port
• Cranberry, sage and thyme
  
• Prawn cocktail
• Ketchup
• Worcestershire sauce
• Roast turkey with sage and onion ("Merry Crispmas")
• Roast chicken
• Steak & onion
• Smoky bacon
• Ham & mustard
• BBQ rib
• Pickled onion
• Branston Pickle 
• Marmite 
• Thai sweet chili
• Roast pork & creamy mustard sauce
• Lime and Thai spices
• Chicken with Italian herbs
• Turkey & bacon
• Caramelized onion & sweet balsamic vinegar
• Stilton & cranberry
• Mango chili
• Buffalo mozzarella tomato and basil
• Mature cheddar with beer
• Hedgehog

Oddly, most of these are vegetarian.

Summer is ridiculous

We have three free weekends over the next five months...
15 May Chris Barber Big Band
22 May Carmen @ O2, Aaron's birthday party
29 May Madrid
5 Jun Hillary's birthday
12 Jun Paris
19 Jun Loudon Wainwright
26 Jun Hillary/Sue Oneil
3 Jul Chicago
10 Jul Jess->France
17 Jul Open!
24 Jul Folk by the Oak
31 Jul Open, but 3-5 Aug Debbie's wedding
7 Aug Open!
14 Aug Bristol balloon fiesta
21 Aug Edinburgh festival
28 Aug Open! (bank holiday)
4 Sep Great British Duck Race, Seth Lakeman
11 Sep Proms in the Park
18 Sep Yom Kippur
25 Sep Great Gorilla Run

This week we're going to see Randy Newman and Flight of the Conchords.  In preparation for the latter, on Sunday we watched the entire first season of the HBO series -- just over 6 hours -- straight through.  Hmmm...maybe we don't actually have that much going on...

Leave to remain

My work permit has been extended, and I have been granted 'leave to remain' in the UK until May 17, 2013.

Sadly, because of policy changes made last year, I am no longer a 'highly skilled migrant' but a 'tier 1 migrant.'  It means exactly the same thing, except I'm no longer allowed to become a professional sportsperson.  (Coincidentally, my auto insurance forbids that as well.)

In 2013, once I have been in the UK for 5 years, I can apply for 'indefinite leave to remain' and a year later I can apply for full citizenship, provided I can pass a 'life in the UK' test. (I scored 75%.)

So well done, me. :-)

Coalitions

Everything interesting about the UK elections was actually predicted a long time ago; only three things surprised me:

1. Although Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats became much more popular after the televised debates, his party actually lost seats in the election.
2. Gordon Brown stepped down as leader of Labour.
3. The Conservatives agreed to a "full review" on proportional representation.

To put the UK election in American terms, here is what happened: Ralph Nader was invited to participate in the Presidential debates, became very popular, got almost no votes, then became Vice-President under George W. Bush.

Surprisingly, many people are happy with the outcome: The Conservatives are in charge of the economy and reducing the debt, while the Liberal Democrats act as a counterweight to protect the public interest.  People are also quite happy that Labour, in power for the past 13 years, is suddenly sidelined, and that Gordon Brown--who was never elected--is out.

Now the next question is whether this coalition can hang together.  They have promised to vote as a block for the next 3 years, but if I know my conservatives, this was strictly a matter of expediency and they will quickly try to railroad the Lib-Dems, which will lead to a vote of No Confidence, and a new general election.

In particular, the "proportional representation" is a non-starter for the Conservatives, because it ensures they will get fewer seats in the future.  As I mentioned in the past, the "first past the post" system (currently used by the UK and most of the US) means the candidate who gets the most votes in a region, effectively gets all the votes.  This virtually guarantees a two-horse race, which is why the Lib-Dems keep getting shut out.  So even though they got 23% of the vote, they only won 9% of the seats!  (By comparison, Labour got 29% of the votes but 40% of the seats!)

Some argue that the current system is good because, by forcing everyone to choose between only two candidates, those candidates have a stronger "mandate" to govern.  I think there is a stronger nuance here: That by forcing everyone to choose between only two candidates, it forces those candidates to appeal to a wider audience, thus bringing them closer to the middle.  Those countries that do have proportional representation--and by that I mean Israel--have many small parties that appeal to a core group of people, and (I think) it reduces their flexibility as a result.

Now we could argue all day about whether or not that is a good thing, but I'll just leave you with the words of Henry David Thoreau: "That government is best which governs least."

Day one

It's funny, I feel like I've been floating in the jet stream of my life.  I guess it was inevitable: Everything was so purposed and intentional, so intense and personal, I'm sure I needed a break, though I had no idea it would last four years.

That all ended last month when I accepted the job offer -- the job I had hoped to get three years ago.  All the doubt, the indecision, the confusion, just sloughed away.  Suddenly I had clarity and direction again.  This wasn't because of the job; that was simply the catalyst, the fork in the road forcing a choice to be made.  Everything had been in limbo and it was finally coming to a head, and once I moved past that, I might as well have walked out of a cloud.

(Okay, it took a couple of weeks to actually comprehend what had changed, but I felt it--physically--the moment it occurred.)

Now I feel unsettled, antsy, ready to go.  Everything has been neglected too long, and I want it all done yesterday.  I know exactly what I need to do, and it's just the execution.  My first step was buying a car, although I want to point out my choice  to give up my car 4 years ago was not dissimilar to my choice to give up meat 8 years ago.  In fact, not having a car actually reduced my stress, as well as my carbon footprint, and I was quite sad to give that up.  However, what the car represented was my first "big" purchase in the UK, the first item I could not take back to the US, and thus my first real commitment to staying here.

Next, I'm going to find a place I love, and make it home. I challenged myself to be open and flexible, and I think I certainly have been--but now is the time to put down roots, and that starts with a home.

Then I'm going to see the world.  I've already got Ireland, Spain, France, and Amsterdam lined up for short trips.  This year I want to see South Africa---after the World Cup, of course--and I promise I will get back to Los Angeles, although it may not be until Christmas time.  (And it may be via Australia.)

If I can qualify as a 'home' student, I plan on going back to school and earning a Master's degree in software engineering.  (A 'home' student pays £3-4,000 while an 'overseas' student pays £9-11,000!)

And most importantly, I plan on extending my circle of friends here beyond...3.  (Goodness, that's pathetic.)

As for the rest, well, Jess gets some input, and I think in many ways she's been in the same cloud as me.  Hopefully, together, we can figure this out.  But regardless of what actually happens, the important point is that it will be by our choice; not by default, not by procrastination or indecision or hesitation, and certainly not because of anybody else.

And one thing is for sure, there will never be another 'day one' in my life.

I'm back, baby.

Out with a whimper

I've been complaining about my job for a while...pretty much since I started a year ago.  It wasn't that the job was too hard or the commute was too long or the pay was too low, it was the people were...odd.  This was, after all, a tiny consulting firm that built its own proprietary tool; I expected it to be a very supportive atmosphere.  Instead, my questions and emails often went unanswered, I could not get anyone to review my work, and my boss even told me design was a waste of time!

I could give many outrageous and ridiculous examples, but I think what happened when I gave notice sums it up nicely.  I had to give a months' notice, but I only had one week's worth of work, and my new company wanted me to start right away, so I asked--both verbally and in writing--to be released early.  Both requests were ignored.  Instead, I sat on my hands and nobody contacted me for three weeks!

On my last day, I received an email from the company secretary:

Please find attached the payslip for the final salary payment to you. I will pay that into your account together with balance of expenses.  I presume you will be returning the laptop, wheelie bag and keys to the flat today. If you find no-one in when you arrive, please leave the keys and computer stuff on the table and when you leave just close the front door behind you and pull the gate to and I will lock up later.

Wow. I want to believe they were upset with me, but they paid me to do nothing for three weeks--if they were trying to punish me for leaving, that was an odd way to do it.  But as I said, everything about the company was just odd.

In any case, I start my new job on Monday, and I can't wait.

Crossword answer key

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 C H I P S T A I L B A C K S P I S S E D 8 A E I K U 9 10 11 12 B I S C U I T S A L A D C R E A M D O S H L H P K R A T 13 14 15 16 17 18 I C A N D Y F L O S S P B U N G C M 19 N A F F G L K U K E A 20 21 22 23 D H O B L O V E B I T E M Y B L A N K 24 I N G A C L 25 26 27 N P Y S P T H B O O T 28 29 G R O U N D F L O O R K N A C K E R E D T 30 S A E I E A C 31 32 33 34 35 H U E T C V D I N N E R P R A M 36 37 S O P P Y N P R H U S A L E R 38 39 T I T I R E T U R N T T C A 40 41 R U N I N A F F O O T P A T H V 42 43 44 O S N O G C F A G E M B L A G 45 46 P O S H L E P E R S P E X O N 47 48 J U M P L E A D S L 49 50 51 52 53 A O E B R C O B B L E R S 54 55 56 G M L B A R K I N G I I U A E 57 58 59 U P B I N I A I R O N M O N G E R T 60 61 62 T U B E C C H A V P O G G D A F T 63 64 65 T T O S S E R L P F E E 66 E R P M Y C A R P A R K E 67 68 D O A A B T G 69 70 71 72 73 P P L N A N C Y B O Y I G K O F 74 I I N F L O I F L A T 75 76 77 N U T E F U L L S T O P F N 78 79 C C A T A R R H I A C 80 81 H H A C L I N G F I L M P J A M M Y

Best of British!

Regular readers should have no problem with this crossword, although I will warn you many answers are phrases (with spaces).  To get you started, 79 down is 'ta.'  Answers tomorrow.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81

Across fries traffic jam drunk cookie dressing money cotton candy throw uncool stove hickey ignore trunk first floor tired resume lunch stroller sad beer round trip college sidewalk kiss cigarette fake it snob plexiglass jumper cables nonsense crazy throw away hardware store subway white trash absent minded loser parking lot wimp apartment head butt period post nasal drip plastic wrap lucky

Down pound symbol custom vomit garbage man curb excellent disgusting advice columnist sell stop scotch tape friend thank you (formal) thumbtack speed bump trailer molasses pleased crazy person angry gay barrier jelly antenna pen call go away sofa disappointed diaper gas wrench meatball nerd cash register steal field nap like someone retired thanks (informal)

This crossword puzzle was created with EclipseCrossword.

How to buy a used car in England

1. Decide on a class of car, but keep your options open, especially if you have special needs--like you can't drive a stick, and 95% of the cars are manual.

2. Do your research.  Test drive several cars, talk to people.  Ensure you are buying from a reputable party.  Check the registration documents and make sure you are dealing with the actual owner.

3. Do a thorough inspection, checking the brakes, suspension, steering, tires, engine fluids, exhaust.  Check for rust and accident damage. Run an HPI check, which uses the car plates and VIN to see if the car was scrapped or stolen. These can be done online for £4.

4. When you have found the car you want, have a professional inspection to ensure there are no major mechanical problems.

5. Negotiate the price, arrange insurance, get a banker's draft (cashier's check to you), and ensure you get the current MoT certificate, the tax disc, service history, and the green portion of the V5 registration certificate proving you own the car.  (You'll need all of these items to renew the tax disc when it is due.)

Or you can do what I did--choose a specific car that you can only find one of in London; meet a guy at a pub who is not the owner of the car; do a 3-minute test drive because there is *no* gas in the car, plus driving the car is illegal because the tax disc is expired and you don't have insurance; check the engine oil but forget everything else; get an HPI check which costs £29.95 over the phone; and then buy the car at the full asking price.

The guy offered to get me a new tax disc by showing them his own insurance, which we did at the Post Office (go figure).  However, to do so they take the green portion of the V5 registration certificate, so I have no proof that I own the car, other than a hand-written receipt.

About the only thing I did right was insist on paying by banker's draft, which took my bank over an *hour* to prepare!  First I queued for 15 minutes for the cashier, and even though I said "bank draft" twice, she started to count out cash.  When I said "bank draft" the third time, she got very flustered, and told me I had to go to "customer services" instead.  She assured me she would put the cash bank in my account, but couldn't give me a receipt.

Customer services said it was a 20 minute wait, as I was behind people who wanted to open an account, discuss a mortgage, and challenge a direct debit.  All I wanted was a cashier's check!  When I finally met with someone, she had to leave the room three times--once to find the bank drafts, once to get a signature, and once to review with a manager because I had to explain why I had just deposited the money in cash, and now wanted to withdraw it as a bank draft!

So I think I bought a car...

Next month I have to get a new MoT certificate, which proves that the car is road-worthy. I hope it passes.