Crossroads

I apologize if I've been overdoing the history lessons lately. I think my infatuation here is a response to several things going on right now that make me wonder if my time in England is drawing to a close.

1. It has been the coldest, longest winter since 1976. I can't say for sure that I'm affected by the seasons, but I can say I'm not used to them, and it may be exacerbating everything else.
2. My job is coming to a head. The job itself is tedious and boring, which I can deal with, but the politics are unrelenting. I have been interviewing for other jobs, but I also have to renew my work permit, which is quite expensive.
3. I find that even after two years, I have no roots in England. To be sure, there were some missteps made from the beginning, some growing pains, and many assumptions that turned out to be incorrect, but whatever the reasons, the result is that I haven't established myself here, and I could leave just as easily as I came.
4. My family is having problems, and I feel very far away from them. I can't help them financially, and I can't be there to support them.

As children we challenge everything, defining our expectations through experience. As adults, it is just the opposite--our expectations filter our experience, so only the exceptions become noticeable. This is what allows us to thrive in our own environment, but hinders us outside of it, because the exceptions become overwhelming. So the double-edge is that everything in England is interesting, but nothing is comforting. And while I can certainly function, I have not been able thrive.

I'm not making any decisions or announcements; I'm just airing my thoughts and concerns. I am quite torn and feel like I'm at a crossroads. I always wondered what it would be like to live abroad, and now I know. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but its also the most enriching experience I've ever had. Perhaps those two are not unrelated.