Life in the UK

On Saturday I have to take a citizenship test to show I can assimilate into British society. Fair enough, but you have to live here 5 years before you can take the test, and much of it is geared for the recent immigrant! If, after 5 years, I haven't sorted out my water and electric, I have bigger issues than citizenship.

If they were going to give helpful information on integrating into society, may I suggest the following as a starter for 10*:
- England, Britain, and the UK all have specific meanings, even though Brits use them interchangeably
- Putting a comma after the penultimate (or next-to-last) item is known as an "Oxford comma," and it confuses the Brits (see previous sentence)
- Brits (or Britons) like to put pork into everything
- Brits like to put brown sauce on anything that contains pork (i.e. everything)
- Baked beans may be served at any time of day, with any type of food
- Britain operates without a constitution and the monarchy, the House of Lords, and the Courts are not allowed to challenge the House of Commons. They call this "democracy"
- In the UK women have rights, do not have to cover their heads, and stoning them for any reason is strictly prohibited
- In the UK you will pay 40% income tax,  20% sales tax, and 10% other taxes (including council tax, road tax, petrol tax, and television license). If you can't live on the 30% remaining, the UK offers a host of benefits that you aren't eligible for
- Do not try to understand anything anyone from Scotland or Northern Ireland says; it just encourages them to talk faster
- "The Only Way Is Essex" is not real, but you'll be forgiven for thinking that everyone from Essex is a twat
- Britain is an  island but you can still take a bus to Ireland or France
- Britain is a medium-sized country but there's no reason to ever leave London
- Walking is actually faster than taking the London tube
- 92% of the UK population is white, and 92% of the UK population spend most of their time complaining about immigrants
- White Brits can't distinguish between immigrants and non-white Brits
- Since 2004, Poles have completely ruined the country by bringing in skilled labour who charge reasonable rates and don't stop for tea breaks every 20 minutes
- The UK Border Agency is a joke, and the fact that you are even taking this test and trying to immigrate legally--and giving us thousands of pounds to do so--makes us think you're kind of stupid
- Even if you jump through all the hurdles and we don't change the rules *again* then even after you're a naturalised citizen everyone will still assume you and your children are skiving, freeloading bums scamming the welfare system (unless you're white, of course)

* "Starter or 10" is from a game show, but has evolved into meaning an initial suggestion.