Chores

I don't remember having chores as a kid.  Perhaps I just blocked that out, or perhaps I was such an angelic child that I did everything without needing to be told.  Whatever the case, at least I wasn't a spoilt brat who expected everything to be done for me, and then complained if it wasn't done exactly the way I wanted it.

Of course my mother may disagree, but she can write her own blog.

Anyway, as I said before, being a single mom with three kids is an impossible situation because you're always in triage mode. If you ask one child to do something, and they throw a tantrum, you can't take that child aside and deal with it, because the other two will start acting up.  They will always be able to outflank you, and in the end it is just easier to do it yourself.

Of course, if chores are the stick then an allowance ("pocket money") is supposed to be the carrot.  But if the kids insist on immediately spending it all on candy ("lollies") -- and then behave even worse after the sugar crash -- then it becomes almost a win-win: If they don't do any chores, you don't have to give them any money, and they can't buy any candy.  In the long run, however, the children are missing out on personal accountability, family participation, and financial responsibility.  In other words, they're becoming American.

But I'm not interested in the long run; I'm interested in control, and carrot-and-stick is the second oldest form of control.  ("Might-makes-right" is the oldest.)  So we've been talking about how to re-introduce pocket money for several weeks, and I'd even drawn up a list of responsibilities, chores and behaviors to reward.  We haven't shown them the list but this week we're filling it out for them, and on Sunday we'll show them how they are currently doing, and what we expect if they expect to get any money.  So far, it's not looking good.

Two of them refuse to keep their rooms tidy, throwing everything on the floor until you can't even walk through it.  (One has terrible dust allergies so this just contributes to her sinus problems.)  The past two mornings, the middle one has had a meltdown and started screaming about nothing.  Asking them to set the table immediately launches a vehement argument about whose turn it is, and asking them to take food scraps to the compost heap sounds more like we're sending them to Siberia.  Yesterday I had to discipline the kids twice--once when the youngest was just being rude, and later when the middle child decided she could ignore her mother and grab some food off the counter.  (I was able to grab her wrist and make her drop it, but that lead to an hour of hysterics about how I shouldn't be allowed to discipline them.  Fortunately their mom disagrees.)

That said, they have been practicing piano, yesterday they folded clothes without any complaint, and this morning the eldest made breakfast for her siblings.  The eldest even did some math practice, although she did spend the entire ten minutes repeating, "This is stupid."   So maybe there is hope.

Then again, last Saturday was a school carnival and their mom gave them $5 each for rides and such.  They immediately spent all of it on sweets.