Unbelievable

I moved to Reading in July and didn't know a soul, so the first thing I did was look around for groups to join.  I joined the bridge club, I went to the tennis club, and I found an online meetup group that was planning a picnic in August at Christchurch meadow, which my flat overlooks, so of course I signed up for that.  Then I promptly forgot about it.

i also signed up for online dating, and had contacted quite a few people through that.  When I saw the picnic in my diary, I invited one of the women I'd been talking to, but hadn't met.  I figured, it was outdoors, in a large group, it was perfect.

This morning, I received an email from someone else I'd contacted on the dating service (but who had never responded) saying she was going to be at the picnic!  I thought, wow, that's awkward, but it's outdoors, in a large group, it would be fine.

Then I found out they had cancelled the picnic, and were going to meet in a local pub!  Right, two girls from the same dating site in a pub. I wasn't sure how to handle this, but as long as it was a large group, it would be fine.

It turned out there were five of us, I was the only guy, and the two girls sat on either side of me.  And I was much more interested in one of the other girls.

In case you didn't think it could get more awkward, the other two girls started talking about Internet dating, and all of the negative experiences they had with men.  When one of them asked, "Have any of you tried internet dating?" mercifully all three of us were silent.  I changed the subject.

So far, things were going fine--neither girl knew I'd met the other on the same dating website; they didn't know each other; I'd given them both a similar amount of attention; all I had to do was say goodbye and I was home free.  One had to go to work and the other one wanted to walk to Caversham Court, which was perfect--I could say goodbye to the first in the parking lot, and then catch up with the second.  Except the first decided to go to Caversham Court as well, and then we all walked back together, and I had to decide to walk one to her car or the other to her bike.  I briefly considered running away, or jumping into traffic, but in the end I stayed with the one I invited.  Seemed the gentlemanly thing to do.

Now I need to call the other girl...

Why me?

It seems most people move pretty effortlessly through their life.  Perhaps they aren't challenging themselves, perhaps they are just more flexible, but whatever the reason, it feels like I really have to struggle to do what most people do naturally.  And it's not the big things -- I've always said I lead a charmed life -- but the little things that always seem to gang up together and ambush me.  Today was an excellent example.

I only had two appointments: I was going to the Reading synagogue in the morning, and I had to be in Southampton this afternoon by 4pm.  I woke up a bit late and so was in a rush, and I was already downstairs and in the car when I realized I forgot my phone.  As I've mentioned, my Android phone is my lifeline -- it acts as phone, GPS, Internet, etc. -- but because I was running late and I had a vague idea of where the synagogue was (I'd never been but I had looked it up on the Internet), I thought I'd be fine. Needless to say, I never found it.

I did drive to Maidenhead synagogue, which has morning services an hour later, and then came home. On the way home, I heard there was a football match at Majeski stadium at 3pm, and to expect heavy traffic on the A33.  Needless to say, that is the way to Southampton.  No problem, I thought, I would just take the A329 south and let my phone/GPS get me back on track.  I even left 20 minutes early, just in case.

Of course, since I just moved to the area, I didn't realize the A329 runs east, not south.  In addition, the phone would not connect to the Internet, so I could not get any directions.  I tried everything I could think of to force it to connect, but nothing worked.  Perhaps if I hadn't been focusing on the phone while I was driving, I would have realized I was going the wrong way, or perhaps even seen a sign that would have taken me the right way.  Instead, i ended up so far out of the way that by the time I looked at a map, the best plan was to continue going the wrong way until I reached the motorway.  I had gone 20 miles out of the way.

At this point, I had 24 minutes to go 41 miles, so I tried to call and let them know I would be late.  Instead, I heard this message: "Calls from this number have been barred."  I tried two other numbers and got the same message.  That's when I knew why my phone couldn't connect to the internet.

While I was in the States 6 weeks ago, I decided to buy a "data subscription" so I could access the Internet on my phone.  I bought 10MB, which I knew was pathetically small, but it would be fine for emails and such.  I asked them to disable data access after I reached the 10MB limit, but of course they said they couldn't do that.  Instead, they told me to download an app which would display my usage.  Fair enough, I checked it every night; On the first day, I'd used 1MB; by the second I'd used 3MB, and on the third I'd used 5MB.  All perfectly reasonable and I was actually getting on the plane to leave Georgia when I checked my usage again and it was over 330MB, and the bill was over £1,000 (US $1,650)!!

I'm not kidding.  Needless to say, I was quite distraught the entire plane ride, and called them as soon as I landed, but of course they were closed.  I called the following day and they said they'd look into it and call me back--they never did.  I called again the third day and was told the system was down but they'd call be back as soon as it was up--they never did.  I called again two days later and, after waiting on hold 15 minutes, then spending 10 minutes going over the issue for the third time, was disconnected.

Suddenly it was no longer about the money, I was just pissed at the customer service.  I called again and got someone who actually addressed the issue -- by asking me if I had disabled data roaming on my phone.  I said no, why would I buy a data subscription and then disable data roaming so I couldn't use the subscription?  She told me that if I didn't disable data roaming, then the charges were valid and I had to pay.  I asked how is it that I could have used a total of 5MB in the first three days and 325MB the fourth day, when I hadn't done anything differently?  She said I must have watched a movie on my phone.  I said I didn't watch a movie.  She said if I hadn't disabled data roaming, I would have to pay.  I reiterated that it would have been rather stupid for me to buy a data subscription and then disable data roaming.

In the end, I told her I simply couldn't afford that, and I needed to speak to someone who could negotiate.  She told me that, since I had direct debit, they were going to take the money out of my checking account the next day.  But, she told me, if I cancel the direct debit then the collections department would contact me, and I could negotiate with them.  I said that was fine, and cancelled the direct debit.

Needless to say, Orange did not contact me, and in fact yesterday I finally wrote them a letter outlining all of the above.  I know they wouldn't have received the letter in one day, so it was coincidence they cut off my phone today. But it was pretty clear that's what they had done, and why I couldn't access the Internet or get a directions.  I even tried to call Orange and was told that number was blocked, as well!

So now I'm late, I'm pissed, I can't get hold of anyone, and the irony is I seriously considered taking the train, but decided it was a nice day and I'd really enjoy the drive!!  Did I mention I was going to Southampton to get a massage?

Oddly, my phone could still take incoming calls, which I discovered when the spa called me to ask where I was.  Of course, they called me after I had gotten off the motorway and was negotiating all of the little bendy streets in town.  I knew the hotel was on the water, but I didn't appreciate that most of Southampton was along the water!  I thought about asking her for directions but since I couldn't actually tell her where I was, I didn't think she could help me.  In the end, I got very lucky and stumbled upon it.

When I finally got to the spa, the masseuse told me she only had time to do a backrub, which was fine.  in fact, it was better than fine--I much preferred being dressed, and I think i will only do backrubs in the future.  However, on Thursday I had joined the local gym and went to my first yoga class in a year, and on Friday met with a personal trainer for an hour.  I didn't appreciate how knotted my back was, until she started in.  The massage was actually painful, but it in the end I felt wonderful.

After dinner, I put the top down on my car, took the A33, and had a very relaxed and peaceful drive home under the stars, which took less than an hour.

Tomorrow I will be having words with my cell phone provider, and I suspect when I'm done, I'll need another massage...

In red is the road less travelled (and for good reason)

Unparliamentary language

In Parliament, one of the functions of the Speaker of the House is to enforce the assembly's debating rules, one of which is that members must not offend the dignity of the assembly, suggest another member is dishonest or dishonourable, or use profanity:  Some words that have been banned:

• blackguard - A scoundrel; an unprincipled contemptible person
• coward
• git - silly, incompetent, stupid, or annoying. It is more severe than twit or idiot but less severe than wanker or arsehole.
• guttersnipe - A person from the lowest social or economic class; a street urchin.
• hooligan - A person that causes trouble or violence.
• ignoramus - An ignorant or stupid person.
• liar
• rat
• swine
• stoolpigeon - A police informer, or criminal's look-out or decoy.
• tart - a prostitute.or a promiscuous woman
• traitor
• sod - an idiot, moron, or annoying person (from sodomite)
• slimy
• wart

Some MPs, such as Winston Churchill, have considered it a point of pride to insult their opponents without the use of unparliamentary language, including:

• Terminological inexactitude (lie)
• Being economical with the truth (lying by omission)

Recently, one MP accused another of being drunk, but instead used the word "incapable." The Speaker requested she withdraw her comment, citing unparliamentary language.  Later, the accused admitted he had been drunk at the time.

Rules to live by

As a moody teenager, I really struggled to make sense of life, and it took a few years to pull together a set of norms that I was comfortable with, and have been living by ever since.  First among these were three rules of personal conduct (not unlike Asimov's three laws):

1) First do no harm
2) Use everything to your advantage
3) Take care of the important things; get rid of the unimportant things

When I tell people about these, they are usually very skeptical of the second rule, because they forget the first one.  If you are taking advantage of a person, then by definition you are doing harm.  If you are taking advantage of an opportunity, there's nothing wrong with that.

These rules worked for me for 20 years; I don't think I've done anyone any harm, I took advantage of a lot of opportunities -- working at Honda, restoring the B&B, moving to England -- and I've taken care of the important things, although sometimes to my own detriment.  Today I can look back on my life with a sense of pride, but not because I lived by these rules, but because these rules allowed me to contribute back to society.

I realize now that these rules are all about me; there is nothing there about giving back, or leaving something better than I found it.  I need my life rules to refect this inclusion, this sense of belonging, of being part of something larger than myself.

In other words, I've grown up a little bit.

I'm not going to replace the rules -- I think they are still good rules to live by -- but I am going to add four more, although at their heart the first three are just acknowledgements that I have a responsibility for others.

4) Take care of yourself so you can take care of others
5) If you can help someone, do it. If you can compliment someone, say it.
6) Celebrate the rituals of life with friends and family
7) Be grateful, helpful, honest, and above all, happy

I should probably put something in there about not buying houses for other people, but hopefully I've learned that lesson...

Student housing

I only have two regrets in my life: Not spending more time with my father, and not going to a university, although the latter isn't so much a regret as a "what if?"  I decided at an early age (14 or 15) that i wasn't going to college, although I couldn't tell you why--maybe it was concern over costs (my family didn't have any money, and I didn't want to work hard enough in high school to get a scholarship), or perhaps because I was so pre-occupied with computers, I wasn't interested in general education courses.

Whatever the reason, I quickly realized that any job in computers required a degree, and so I went to a technical school for 3 years to get my bachelors.  But night school at a local technical college is a far cry from a university.  I did the work required, but it was hardly stimulating, mind-expanding, or fulfilling.  I didn't make any lifelong friendships, and (more importantly) never learned to drink.

Now, it's not like I sit at home at night, nursing a cup of tea, thinking about what might have been.  But it came back to me this weekend because, while I was in Edinburgh, I stayed in the student housing at the university.  (Most rooms in Edinburgh during August are over £200/night; I was paying £45 including breakfast.)  Lying in the dark, listening to groups of students in the quad, talking and laughing, I tried to picture a younger version of myself mixing in.

And the fact is, I probably wouldn't have.  Perhaps my career would have been slightly different, but then I've always been quite happy with my career.

I've taken community college courses off an on through the years, and when I moved to England, I looked into taking some classes here.  However, because I am not a British citizen, the fees were outrageous.  For example, at Birkbeck University, an undergraduate degree would cost a British citizen around £6600, but the same courses would have cost me £22,000!

So I decided to wait until I had my citizenship.  Unfortunately, since the new government bizarrely and perversely decided to raise university fees this year (perversely because they said it as a cost-saving measure, when it will actually cost the government more), the fees for ciizens have skyrocketed.  For example, last year an undergraduate degree from the Open University -- which is all online -- would have cost a British citizen around £2,600; this year it is around £10,000!  And I would have to pay £14,000!

The big difference is that for a British Citizen, the UK government would extend a loan for the full amount, that would only have to be repaid after graduation and only if the graduate was making a certain amount of money.  I would have to pay up-front.

So I think that puts paid to that.  (That's an English expression, which obviously means "forget it.")  In any case, I'm afraid I'm too old and intolerant of youth to appreciate the 'university experience.'  i just hope the next generation of my family doesn't even have the same regret.

World jewry

I found these statistics interesting, illuminating, and a little bit scary.

According to the Israel Central Bureau of Statistics there were 14,993,000 Jews worldwide in 2010.  That includes 4.5 million secular Jews -- that is, people of Jewish descent that do not consider themselves Jewish!

That's 0.2% of the world population. For every 1 Jew, there are 81 Catholics, 80 Christians, 140 Muslims, 64 Hindus, 36 Buddhists, 78 atheists, and 29 others.  In the US, Jews make up only 1.7% of the population.  In the UK, it is 0.5%.

In the US, 54% of Jews marry outside of the religion.  The overall growth rate for Jews is stagnant or at a slight decline, and the average age of Jews is advancing quickly.  (Which means not enough Jewish children are being born to replace those who are dying.)

On the one hand, I think it's amazing the Jewish influence on the world, considering their small numbers.  On the other hand, these numbers are not sustainable.  I'm not going to make any long-term predictions, as I imagine a religion that has survived 3,000 years and at least four attempts to wipe them out will find a way to carry on, but it does make me worry.

Queue, queue, and queue some more

I don't have any statistics, surprisingly enough, bit I'm sure the population of Edinburgh trebles during August--which is  surprising since most European cities empty out at this time, when everyone goes on holiday.

Not surprisingly, then, there are queues for everything-at the shows, the bars, the cafes, the toilets. Sometimes you have to queue to get into a queue!

But its all handled in good spirits-literally. This being Scotland, with the highest per capita consumption of alcohol in Europe, you're never more than a few steps from a bar. It's not illegal to drink in public, and long about 1am, every vestibule is taken up by someone sitting on the pavement, surrounded by a few well-meaning friends asking if they're okay and offering to get them a cab. Ah, the joys of alcohol poisoning.

I guess that's the best way to handle large crowds. Maybe I should try it.

Travel posters

After a month of staring at blank walls, I finally ordered some old travel posters from National Rail. Obviously these are reproductions, but the originals date to the 1930s and 40s. They are 100cm x 70cm (3' 3" x 2' 3") and I think five will finish off the living room nicely. Now for the bedroom...

Edinburgh Fringe Festival

I mentioned the fringe last year, and the numbers are even bigger this year: over 40,000 performances of over 2,500 shows over three weeks in Edinburgh!  It's absolutely overwhelming, and as you can imagine from an unjuried festival, there's quite a bit of crap.  So I took some time last night to organise my notes and read some reviews and put together a "schedule" for this weekend.  Of course, I'm meeting some friends and they have kids and the shows are all over town and at some point I'll want to eat and three of the shows are sold out but I may be able to get tickets.  There were four shows I wanted to see enough to buy tickets in advance; the rest I'll play by here. (Technically it was five tickets, but that's because they have a one-hour magic show, and then a second hour revealing how they did the magic.) Anyway, here's the rundown:

Friday
Arrive train station 6:22pm; check in to hotel; collect tickets
8-9:10pm camille o'sullivan or What Remains
10:15pm Barry & Stuart: Show & Tell - The Show
12am Barry and Stuart - Show & Tell: The Tell

Saturday
10am Visit the National Museum of Scotland, Mirazozo (a collection of inflatable shapes you can walk through)
4:30pm Casablanca: The Gin Joint Cut
5pm-7pm?
7pm-9pm Dinner? (if not, see josie long or smutty songs)
9pm The Pajama Men: In the Middle of No One
10:30pm Dead Cat Bounce

Sunday
Bubblewrap and boxes (10:45) or Pop-Up! (11am)
Amazing bubble show (12.05–12.50pm)
Just a minute (1:30pm)
Comedy for kids (2:30)
4-5:10pm Potted Potter
5:30-6:30pm?
Josie long or smutty songs (7-8pm)
9pm military tattoo? (If not, idiots of ants at 8:30-9:30)
Rich hall (9:40)
Early night--train at 6am!

It's going to be a great weekend. :-)

Paris photos

I just uploaded way too many photos of my mom in Paris.  Mostly I did it because I finally have broadband again!

It's been a tortuous time, between moving, then deciding which service to go with, then getting someone out to hook me up.  The Internet is a class C drug*.  Fortunately, I haven't gone cold turkey -- both my phone and my laptop can access the Internet over 3g, but it's rather slow and can be quite expensive, so I've been metering my usage (ie not uploading large photos).  Now I have a 10Mbps connection and unlimited data, and I'm taking full advantage!

I opted not to get a landline this time, and rely strictly on my Skype phone.  I also didn't get cable TV, but decided to get a DVD player.  However, I found it was cheaper to buy a used Playstation 3 off eBay, which has a built-in Blu-Ray DVD player!  So I also bought a used copy of Grand Theft Auto IV, and at 6:30am this morning I was lobbing hand grenades at my brother in California.  Technology is amazing.

So my flat is almost there; the only thing missing is wall art and maybe a few more houseplants.  (I did have a minor setback in the bathroom -- the new toilet seat came loose, so I have to get another one. Of course, the guy installing the broadband, who was only here for 5 minutes, asked to use the loo, and I had to explain the toilet seat was broken. That was embarrassing!)  I also need to pick up some Judaica items next time I'm in London.)

* In the UK, illicit drugs are categorized as class A, B, or C, depening on the harm done.  So cocaine is class A; amphetamines are class B, and ketamine (a horse tranquilizer) is class C. (Marijuana is class B despite repeated attempts to move it to Class C, and last week there was discussion about making ketamine class B after it was found to be the fastest growing 'party drug' amongst 16-24 year olds.)

ADHD

It's a hot day in London (nearly 30C/86F!) so I took my coat off on the train, and promptly forgot it.

As soon as I got into the office, I googled lost property for First Great Western, and read that all lost property is sent to their Bristol office.  Bristol is a 3 hour round-trip from my house! I may be visiting a friend in Cirencester this weekend, but Bristol is still an hour further--2 hours round-trip--just to pick up my coat.  I didn't like the suit that much.

But then I remembered Bristol is where the balloon fiesta is held, so I googled that, and it's being held the 11th-14th of August, which is the same weekend I'm going to the Edinburgh fringe festival.  Bristol and Edinburgh are probably the two largest cities in Great Britain that are the furthest from each other!  In addition, I'd already bought my train tickets from Reading to Edinburgh, and changing it to go from Bristol would have almost doubled the cost.

But I was excited at seeing the balloons, and so some furious googling produced this itinerary:
  - Reading to Bristol, Thursday the 11th, 16:57-18:14
  - Balloon glow 9:30pm
  - Mass ascent 6:00am, Friday the 12th
  - Bristol to Reading 10:30-11:43
  - Reading to Edinburgh 12:11-18:22

This was a brilliant plan, although not without cost:
  - Reading to Bristol, £35 return
  - Single room at Greenhouse B&B, £55
  - Lost property charge, £3

That's £93 (US $152) -- a bit steep for my coat (I think the suit cost about the same), but I'd get to see a balloon glow and a mass ascent!  How perfect was that?

So I decided to do it.  The first step was to call First Great Western and report the loss, so I went back to their website to get the phone number, and that's when I found a small note at the bottom of the page:

"For items that are left on trains terminating at Paddington, please contact Network Rail's Paddington Lost Property Office directly."

In other words, they weren't going to send my coat to Bristol, and I couldn't justify the expense just to see the balloons.