In the dark moments between living and sleeping, the self-reflection overwhelm us. The good times are fleeting but the regret lingers. The things left undone, the words unsaid, the self recriminations. We fill these moments with routine, with music, with distractions. On a plane, I cannot escape.
I am dating two lovely women, who only serve to remind me of Jessica's absence. They are both beautiful, but not as. They are both clever, but not as. They are both interesting, but not as. Can I settle for 'not as'?
My heart wants to connect; it is tired of being alone. My head wants to connect; it doesn't enjoy my company in the best of circumstances. But my soul won't connect, because it knows what possibilities there are. Only recently awakened, it is the genie I cannot put back in the bottle.
And yet, in the dark moments, I wonder if I'll wander lost forever, trying to find something I'm not even sure I ever had. It feels a bit of a dream, or perhaps a nightmare: the overarching need, the constant longing, the absolute certainty; it all appears to be completely irrational. Why would I want that again?
Why can't I live without it?
No comments:
Post a Comment