Edinburgh pants

When I was a teenager, I heard George Carlin's skit, "A Place for my stuff."  Of course I was too young to appreciate it, but it always stuck with me.  And the ridiculous thing is, I don't even have that much stuff, but I am painfully aware that it is scattered around the world.  There is stuff--like my sister's paintings--that I left in Pennsylvania.  There is stuff--like my dad's records--that I left in my mom's garage in California.  There is stuff--like an entire house--I left in north London.  Most of what's left is in Reading, although for the past six months that has felt more like a storage unit than home.  I have a suitcase full of stuff in the boot of my car in Runcorn, and a small subset of stuff I'm taking with me to Edinburgh for the weekend.  (And I'm already thinking about what I need to take to Israel next week, and Amsterdam at the end of the month.)

Trying to keep track of all this stuff is quite difficult and eventually leads to failures, which is why I don't have any clean underwear this weekend.  To be fair, the plan was to drop my laundry at the laundromat this morning, but then I remembered I have to catch a train at 1:30pm, a co-worker is giving me a ride, and it is in the exact opposite direction of the laundry, so picking it up was going to be an issue.  I considered packing dirty underwear and going to a laundry in Edinburgh, but that meant sitting around for an hour, and as you'll see below, that isn't an option.  I also considered wearing dirty underwear, but then I thought--what if I get into an accident?

So instead I'll buy more underwear*.  I've already bought more underwear in the past six months than I have in the past five years, combined.  I thought about keeping spare underwear in my car, but then I though--what if I get into an accident?

So to give you an idea of the scale of the Edinburgh fringe, these are the programs I am interested in seeing on Saturday.  All of the shows are an hour except where marked.

10:00    Free History Walking Tours of the Royal Mile (30 minutes)
11:10    Bridget Christie - A Bic for Her (£10)
12:15    Free music at St Giles
12:30    Mugenkyo Taiko Drummers (£15)
12:40    Tony Law (£5)
13:00    Barry on Arthur's Seat, free (30 minutes)
13:10    Jessie Cave and Jenny Bede: Ain't too Proud to Beg (free)
13:15    Afternoon Delight (£5)
13:15    Austerity Pleasures (free)
13:20    Best of the Fest (£12.50)
13:30    Hill and Weedon Fan Club (free)
14:20    Peculiar Case of Kemsley and Todd (free)
14:35    Nathaniel Metcalfe: Enthusiast (free)
14:44    Adam Larter and Ali Brice: Plumpy'nut (pay what you want)
14:45    Joz Norris Has Gone Missing (free)
15:40    Simon Munnery (£10)
16:00    Nick Helm: One Man Mega Myth (£14)
16:00    Karl Schultz: Start the Karl (£5)
16:00    Rachel Parris: The Commission (free)
**16:45    Major Tom (£12)
16:45    Jigsaw (£12)
16:45    Fin Taylor - Cramp (free, 40 minutes)
16:45    Darren Walsh: I am a Giant (pay what you want)
16:55    Kazakoshi (takio drums, £11.50)
17:05    Sight Gags for Perverts (free)
17:40    Will Franken (£10)
17:40    Kieran Hodgson - Flood (£9)
17:45    Pat Cahill: Start (£10)
18:00    Gone Native (folk music, £8)
18:05    Smashed (£14)
18:30    Chalk Farm (£11)
19:00    James Acaster - Lawnmower (£12)
19:15    Ant Dewson: Now That's What I Call Musical Comedy (free)
19:30    David Baddiel (£17.50)
19:30    Sean Hughes - Penguins (£13)
19:30    Mark Thomas 100 Acts of Dissent
**19:30    Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans - Wonder & Joy (free)
19:50    Thrice (£10)
19:50    Synagogue Slut (free)
20:00    Tommy Holgate: Good Spirits (pay what you want)
20:00    The Events    (90 minutes, £13 preview, sold out)
21:00    Tom Binns Does Ivan Brackenbury and Others (pay what you want)
20:30    Folk @ the Royal Oak (2h 30m, £6)
20:30    Piaf (£17)
**21:00    Squally Showers (90 minutes, £12)
21:50    Claudia O'Doherty: Pioneer (£11.50)
22:00    Felicity Ward: Irregardless (£11)
22:30    Adam Buxton: Kernel Panic (£16)
22:30    Ivy Paige - 'Head' Mistress (£10)
23:30    BattleActs! Improvised Comedy (free)
23:59    Best of the Fest (1h 15m, £10 preview)
00:30    One of Us Might Be Famous (free)

* Someone suggested I buy a kilt in Edinburgh, instead, and then I won't need underwear.
** Already have tickets