My first "real" job was as an IT trainer at the Los Angeles Air Force Base. It was a ridiculous job -- teaching people how to use WordPerfect and Lotus 1-2-3 and, later, Windows -- but I enjoyed it, partly because I was part of the IT support team so I got to learn a lot of other things, but mostly because the "office" was a large room filled with about 40 cubicles. The cubicle walls were about six feet tall so you could only see your immediate neighbors, and I was in a corner so nobody could see me. Since my parents didn't have a basement, it was the next best thing for a would-be hacker like me.
Because of the way the cubicle was oriented, the corner of the office was wasted space, so I decided to set up a fish tank. What possessed me is a mystery -- my only previous experience with fish was when I was about eleven, I kept a dojo loach in a 1-gallon iced tea jug, but I had no idea what I was doing and he didn't last terribly long. (And who sets up a fish tank at work?!)
For my 21st birthday, my girlfriend gave me a tall 4 gallon (!5 litre) hex tank that was perfect for the space. One of my co-workers said he raised angelfish and he would be happy to give me some once my tank was cycled. I had no idea what "cycled" meant so he dragged me to a fish store and we bought (for a quarter, I think) a feeder goldfish. The owner told me to bring the fish back in a month and he'd feed it to an oscar (a large freshwater fish). That's how the goldfish got his name, "Oscar Appetizer."
Oscar was friendly, alert, and totally hyper. All of my co-workers loved him, but when the tank was cycled and the angelfish were ready to move in, I couldn't keep him. (He was already too big for the 4 gallon tank.) I was going to return him to the shop but another friend happened to see a 30 gallon (115 litres) tank at a garage sale for $25 and decided to "surprise" me with it. I didn't really want it but I set it up at home (not at work!) and took Oscar home. A co-worker had been inspired to get her own goldfish, Horton, and she "loaned" him to me to help cycle the big tank.
Meanwhile, the two angelfish (named Mephestofeles and Lucifer, or Mephe and Lu for short) and an upside-down catfish (originally named "hsiftac" with a silent-h) moved into the small tank at work. A month later, the office was scheduled to be painted so I took the fish home. I then started sending "Fish Updates" to the team to keep them apprised. It was, effectively, my first foray into blogging. (And believe me, it shows.)
Because of the way the cubicle was oriented, the corner of the office was wasted space, so I decided to set up a fish tank. What possessed me is a mystery -- my only previous experience with fish was when I was about eleven, I kept a dojo loach in a 1-gallon iced tea jug, but I had no idea what I was doing and he didn't last terribly long. (And who sets up a fish tank at work?!)
For my 21st birthday, my girlfriend gave me a tall 4 gallon (!5 litre) hex tank that was perfect for the space. One of my co-workers said he raised angelfish and he would be happy to give me some once my tank was cycled. I had no idea what "cycled" meant so he dragged me to a fish store and we bought (for a quarter, I think) a feeder goldfish. The owner told me to bring the fish back in a month and he'd feed it to an oscar (a large freshwater fish). That's how the goldfish got his name, "Oscar Appetizer."
Oscar was friendly, alert, and totally hyper. All of my co-workers loved him, but when the tank was cycled and the angelfish were ready to move in, I couldn't keep him. (He was already too big for the 4 gallon tank.) I was going to return him to the shop but another friend happened to see a 30 gallon (115 litres) tank at a garage sale for $25 and decided to "surprise" me with it. I didn't really want it but I set it up at home (not at work!) and took Oscar home. A co-worker had been inspired to get her own goldfish, Horton, and she "loaned" him to me to help cycle the big tank.
Meanwhile, the two angelfish (named Mephestofeles and Lucifer, or Mephe and Lu for short) and an upside-down catfish (originally named "hsiftac" with a silent-h) moved into the small tank at work. A month later, the office was scheduled to be painted so I took the fish home. I then started sending "Fish Updates" to the team to keep them apprised. It was, effectively, my first foray into blogging. (And believe me, it shows.)
Fish update 1
(Around January 1991)
Well gang, it's been an exciting weekend in the Fish Zone. Noting how enthusiastic most of you have been regarding the fish, and since you haven't been able to get your "Oscar fix" (that early morning rush that came knowing that an animal with a brain smaller than a pea was thinking harder than you were at seven in the morning), I thought I'd keep you posted.
It's been six weeks since I bought my thirty gallon tank at a garage sale, with appropriate assurances that it didn't leak. When it leaked, the tank spent a week at a recommended aquarium dealer. I then took Oscar and Horton home to cycle the big tank, and then I took the small tank with the two angelfish and upside-down catfish home while the office was painted. One weekend, I swapped tanks: Oscar and Horton were moved back into the four gallon tank, and the angelfish and the upside-down catfish were moved from into the 30 gallon.
Now, you must understand that Angelfish are fairly finicky eaters, and in my exuberance I tended to overfeed them. They wouldn't eat the leftover and decomposing food, and so it collected on the bottom of the tank, which I would attempt to clean out occasionally, but not very successfully. Well, I didn't realize just how unsuccessfully until I dropped the two golds in the tank. They ate for three days without my adding a drop of food. The tank is now spotless, and both Oscar and Horton are twice as large. This is a problem, because the tank is still the same size. (By the way, I'm thinking I could set up a children's pool in an empty cubicle for a "koi pond"--what do you think?) Horton has been returned to his mom, Julie.
Meanwhile, the thirty gallon tank housed two small angelfish, one catfish, an inch of gravel, and a rock. It was not the most impressive sight, and my father's attempts to improve things by adding a can of Coke were not appreciated. I added another upside-down catfish. He was temporarily named something I couldn't spell, so it was changed to "Kermit" (from the front he looks a great deal like a brown version of the muppet. He and the other cat got along swimmingly, and I've actually seen them on a couple of occasions!
My girlfriend chose a black lyretail molly and a white lyretail molly and named the former "The Unsinkable Molly Black" and the latter "The Unsinkable Molly White." When first introduced, the Angelfish chased the black molly all over the tank, but left the white molly alone. Since then, the Angelfish have become known as "The Foothill Division."
On Sunday, another trip to the fish store resulted in a net loss of about a hundred bucks, but in the net gain of two red-tailed sharks (which have orange tails) and six neon tetras, all of which remain unnamed as of this morning. I also purchased another rock, a piece of wood, and some plants, all resulting in a much more pleasant-looking aquarium. Unfortunately, none of you can see it, as Polaroid pictures of moving fish through water and glass do not seem to come out very well.
I decided to try my hand at hatching some brine shrimp. The instructions called for water, epsom salt, and aquarium salt. I used water, eight-year old epsom salt, and Morton rock salt. (The recipe called for two teaspoons of salt, but the smallest bag was five pounds--anybody need some rock salt?) Nevertheless, the brine shrimp still hatched, so I dumped maybe a teaspoonful of shrimp into the tank. BLOOM! Within moments, that tiny amount of shrimp and blossomed and filled the tank, clouding it completely. I thought I'd asphyxiated the fish! Fortunately, an hour later, the fish were just fine. Still, I don't think I'll try that again -- I'll stick to frozen bloodworms and TetraBits.
One of the neons died. It was my first fish loss. Imagine how much easier everything would have been if I could've let Oscar go as easily. I thought about taking the fish store up on their three-day return policy, but I wouldn't have been able to go until tonight, and I don't think many of you would have appreciated my bringing a dead tetra to work and letting it sit on my desk all day. I know I wouldn't have.
Fish update 2
(Between February and April, 1991)
Less you lose touch with my fish, here is another exciting fish bulletin!
"Flushed" (aka Spike) was taken home last night amidst complaints he was dead. Initial attempts to transport him in his bowl (with no lid) were quickly abandoned, and he was transported home in a manner befitting his station -- in a Taco Bell cup. On the way home I stopped off at the fish store again and dropped another seventy bucks or so. There will be a "Save the fishes" fundraiser taking place in the back corner of the room until further notice. Cash or check contributions, in any amount, are always welcome.
Surprisingly, "The Foothill Division" did not bother Flushed. Therefore, one of the red-tailed sharks beaned him immediately. That shark has since been moved to Oscar's tank as punishment.
The "neon massacre" mystery continues to rage. A quick re-cap of events surrounding the deaths of two-thirds of my neon tetras while the remaining third seem perfectly healthy:
- Sunday, day 1. Six neon tetras are added to the tank. One is found lying on the bottom of the tank later that night, and is flushed down the toilet without inspection.
- Monday, day 2. Nighttime. The remains of one of the neon tetras are found in the mechanical filter. It is impossible to determine the cause of death because of the severe mutiliation, probably caused by the filter.
- Tuesday, day 3. Morning. One of the neon tetras is missing. His body has yet to be found.
- Wednesday, day 4. Morning. One of the neon tetras is floating at the top of the tank. He has a slight depression over one eye, but otherwise appears healthy. Dead, but healthy.
If you or anyone you know has any information regarding this case, please proceed immediately to the "Save the fishes" contribution corner and report your suspicions. Your anonymity is guaranteed. Cash reward if you can state the number of remaining tetras. Amount of your reward based upon the amount of your contribution (required).
Horton and Oscar should be returning tomorrow, depending strictly upon how I feel in the morning.
Next fish update at anytime. Next scheduled fish update when I feel like it.
If anyone would like to be removed from my "fish" group, please visit the "Save the fishes" contribution corner at your earliest convenience.Contribution required.
Fish update 3
(Between March and May, 1991)
You will all be thrilled to know, the "neon massacre" ended as abruptly as it began, without rhyme or reason.
I went to the fish store again (I gotta stop doing that if I ever hope to be solvent) and added another four neons (to replace the lost ones), four guppies (see paragraph after next) and another betta splenden. I'm calling the new betta "Freebie" because the cashier didn't add him to the bill, and I didn't correct his error. I considered putting the two bettas in the same tank, but I didn't have the heart. (Males bettas always fight to the death when put together. Must be too much testosterone.)
A plant broke free of the gravel a couple of days ago and was floating on the surface of the water. When I went to remove it, I noticed quite a few fish were enjoying its presence. Therefore, this weekend, I bought four guppies, who are all top-water swimmers, and some floating plants. Need I say more? The guppies are quite pretty when you can catch a glimpse of them darting in and out of the plants. I also had to anchor the plant in some airline tubing to keep it from bashing the brains out of the guppies.
The mollies may or may not be mating. Several people have expressed their desire that I do not use the babies as a treat for the rest of the fish. I've expressed my desire that if they want the babies, they can have them, but not in *my* tank.
The two red-tailed sharks are still unnamed. It's kind of a cross-up at the moment between "Snidely Whiplash" (referencing the quasi-barbels on the snout which resemble a pencil mustache), "Red Skelton" (noting their white mouths compared to their charcoal bodies, giving them a clown-like appearance), "Charlie Chaplin" (due to the twitching of the mouth while eating), or "Albert Einstein" (because of the general facial characteristics). I'm not particularly sold on any of these; I'd much prefer two names which take into account the fact that one chases the other all day long, and that they look like they're swishing mouthwash after they eat. Any ideas?
One last comment: I thought I'd try my hand at breeding the next-best thing: Turquoise discus. California Aquariums has a pair for $175. The "Save the fishes" contribution corner will have a special account set up all this week entitled "Breed the fishes," where your donations will be used for the purchase and maintenance of these discus.
Also, you'll be glad to know that the "Save the fishes" contribution corner, while still not accepting major credit cards, will now allow you to deposit your paycheck (or any other check you have) directly into the "Save the fishes" checking account.
Tomorrow I'm going to dump Spike, Horton, and Oscar into a six gallon garbage can and bring 'em back to work.
Fish update 4
(Around May 1991)
Remember back to the first neon massacre? Of six neon tetras added to the tank, one died or disappeared every night until only two were left. If all of them had died, I would have given up on that fish (for awhile, at least) but two survived. Unfortunately, this is a schooling fish, and I felt guilty, so I bought four more, all of which died, three on the same day Spike committed suicide. But the original two (or what look like the original two) survived!
... So I decided the cause of death was pH shock and this Saturday I bought six more (from a different shop, just in case) and put them in a plastic bucket with water at a strict pH of 7.0, just like the water they came from. (My tank hovers at about 7.2, which shouldn't have been enough swing to kill them, but I don't know...)
I had also bought some more gravel for my tank, so I drained out half of the water and was adding the gravel, when I heard a noise which sounded like a TV turned to a dead station. I glanced up and noticed I'd left the heater plugged in, and it was out of the water! I quickly unplugged it but a moment
later --
The glass heater cracked asunder, sending shards everywhere and generally freaking me out! It was late but I jumped in the car, flew down to the only fish store open at 9 o'clock, bought a heater, stuck it in the tank, and cranked it up. Then I went to bed, completely forgetting to check the tank's temperature. I realized this when I woke up out of a sound sleep. Normally, fish should be kept at between 72 and 74 degrees, but more important than the actual temperature is the stability. My tank was 86 degrees and it had gone from 72 to 86 within six hours. I spent two hours getting the temperature under 80, and was not a happy camper the next day.
To add insult to injury, the next week I went to do a water change and I remembered to turn off the heater, but when I was finished I forgot to turn it back on!
One morning, my girlfriend and I went to the swap meet, hoping to find some equipment (both fish and computer) for a decent price. HAHAHAHAHA. If you want brand-name merchandise for less, don't go to the swap meet. If you want cheap, illegally-imported products which don't look like they'd last until they got to the car, then you go to the swap meet. Fortunately, we were able to pick up some cow hooves for the dogs.
That night, two of the neon tetras were floundering, one was leaning, and one had disappeared! This makes two missing neons! I think I have Cheshire Fish! Three neons survived. Fish update 5 when they've all died, and then a special "Fish Auction" for two indestructible neon tetras. Let's see, I've lost 11 neons (with the probable addition of 3 more) at an average cost of about $1.99, so we'll start the bidding for the indestructible neons at, say, $14? I just want to break even, you understand....
Fish update 5
(June 5, 1991)
Mephistopheles and Lucifer Angelfish, of Thomson Hatchery, are dead. When I left for work one morning last week, they were fine. When I returned that night, Mefi had passed away and Lu was struggling. I isolated him and he survived until morning, but left us sometime the next day.
The large tank seems very empty nowadays, and watching it is often painful.
I almost wish I had left well enough alone and kept the two angelfish cramped in the four-and-a-half gallon tank. I bought three baby discus, and though they despise beef heart with a passion, they are growing quickly. Looking on the bright side, in a few months I would have had to buy another large tank to house the discus. Now I don't. Some bright side.
The remaining fish appear quite healthy. Someone keeps nipping my guppies tails, and Red keeps chasing Al (the two red-tailed sharks) unrelentingly, but they're all fine. The live plants I had put in the tank never really seemed to take root, and they developed snails, so I finally just threw them all out. I'll pick up some plastic plants one of these days and stick with that until I know more about that aspect of aquatic life.
The turquoise betta has finally stopped chasing The Unsinkable Molly Black around the tank. I would be hard pressed to make a "Foothill Division" joke about this, everything being what it is. The Unsinkable Molly White is, presumably, gravid (or extremely fat) and has been for nearly a month now. If she's waiting for "greener pastures" before she gives birth, she's got a long wait. I've already set my mind that this batch is going to replace the frozen food I usually feed the fish. Anyone want to start a pool on how many will survive? The guppies also seem pregnant but they'll eat their own, anyway, so don't bet on any survivers. (I wonder if they eat their own on the assumption that the ones they can catch wouldn't make it anyway, or if it is strictly a "culling" instinct which they only practice in cramped quarters...? If it's the latter, why can't Man follow the same practice?)
Well, it is extremely difficult for me to write about the other fish's minor problems with Mefi and Lu gone. Also, it is simply impossible to be light-hearted about fish at the moment. Thank goodness Oscar is still kicking, despite the recent passing of Horton and Who.
Look for Fish update 6 when I can keep more than 15% of my neon tetras alive more than four days, learn to douse plants in salt water to kill snail eggs which may be hiding on them, remember to turn off my heater when it's out of the water, quit introducing fish carrying deadly diseases, etc., etc., etc.
Fish update 6
(June 10, 1991)
Thursday night, while saying good-night to my fish, I noticed some dark, flitting motion at the top of the tank. At first I thought it was some ugly insect I was going to have to remove, but instead I discovered about a dozen tiny fish swimming about. Judging from their size, and the fact that some were white, some were black, and most were grey, I quickly surmised that the gravid white molly had finally given birth.
At first I thought it was some cosmic activity which had caused, in the shadow of Mefi's and Lu's death, this re-juvenation within my tank, this show of life overcoming death. But then I realized that these babies, while too large for any of the other fish to eat, would have been just the right size for Mefi and Lu. So much for a cosmic consciousness.
Anyway, I counted thirteen mollies and then left them there for the night, partly because I didn't have any other tanks to move them to, and partly because I didn't care what happened to them. I did, however, feed the other fish a little more food.
In the morning, I counted thirteen fish, so rather than go and buy a new tank, I just bought a breeding trap. This is a plastic box you put on the side of the tank (presumably in the water) with slits to allow water to circulate. I put the fry in, only to find within seconds they were all over the tank again! Now it was time to read the directions....
It seemed the trap was actually supposed to expel the fry into the main tank, but keep the mother away. This isn't what I wanted at all! There were lots of little plastic pieces in the box that the directions didn't bother to mention, but I finally pieced together how you were supposed to cover the slits in the breeder trap, and I tried again. Within seconds, the fry were all over the tank again, and I realized they were swimming under the plastic piece!
In desperation, I took my thermometer, shoved it against the bottom plate, and suctioned it to the side. It held! I scooped up the fry and dunked them in and they stayed! For a little while at least. By morning, two were free, a third one that night, and another the next morning. Ad infinitum. I still don't know how they're escaping, but I've still got thirteen.
In other news, I had great fun (read: not) when I tried to take the top off my undergravel filter tube, and the entire tube came up! Gravel immediately filled in the hole, so I couldn't just shove it back down. Instead I had to drain some
of the water so I could reach the undergravel plate, and it wasn't until too late that I realized the mollies, trapped in the breeder near the surface, had been beached! I quickly dropped the entire trap in the water, and they all swam out into the tank. That's okay; I'm becoming quite the expert on rounding the little guys up.
Other than that, all of my live vegetation has now been replaced by plastic. I had too many troubles with the stuff, first not rooting, then just rotting, then finding a snail. Maybe in a couple of months, when I am settled in my new apartment, I'll try again.
Well, that's it. No heaters exploding, no fish dying, just thirteen new editions. I think I'll hatching some more brine shrimp for the babies...
Fish Update 7
One, or possibly both, of my guppies gave birth a few days after the mollies. Unfortunately, while the molly fry were too large for anything currently in the tank, the guppies were "just right." Trying to save them was like trying to take candy away from a baby -- easy in your mind, difficult in reality. I only had a shot at four, but I threw them in the nursery where, of course, they swam right out again and got eaten. My biggest concern was not for the guppies, however; I'd heard about discus getting a hold of live food and never returning to powdered/frozen food again. I don't want to deal with live food, mainly because I would more than likely raise it instead (see "Oscar Appetizer"). Fortunately, they had their little party and then ate the frozen bloodworms and frozen water fleas when they were proferred, so we're okay.
In the confusion, I lost track of one of my baby mollies. It was nowhere to be seen, so I gave it up for "eaten." For the next solid week I consistently counted 12 mollies every day. Then, a few days ago, I counted 13, and it has been 13 ever since. Clearly, I have a David Mollyfield in that batch! Anyway, the mollies are becoming much better defined. They no longer look like strings with eyes.
By the way, the white molly, after having her fry, has stayed as plump as the day she gave birth. It has been suggested that she is simply an old fish and not capable of "snapping back" like these young fish. I do not know. The black molly is clearly still interested in her, but then again, she is still the only other adult molly in the tank.
Cory and Kermit have slowed down quite a bit since I removed the live plants. I guess they just don't like imitations.
The discus are becoming bluer (if that's a word) by the day. Perhaps in a couple of months, when I'm settled in my new apartment, I'll invite y'all over to see the tank. Tanks, I suspect, by then. Of course, I'll probably have to sneak them in using 10 gallon water jugs.
And Oscar, good old Oscar, often overlooked in these fish updates, is keeping me company in my corner. If you haven't seen him recently, perhaps you should. People who saw him three days ago come over and say "Wow has he grown!" Unfortunately, his tank still hasn't. It's getting kind of scary.
Fish update 8
Well, of my original thirteen molly fry, less than half survived. My second fry were the guppies, of which none survived. If they ever become pregnant again, however, I've got a nursery and everything. They'll live, or else! (What the heck am I talking about--the last thing I need is more fish!) My third fry was the molly's second, and estimates placed it between 25 and 30. (Do you know how hard it is to count thirty strings-with-eyeballs in a fast current??) We'll see how these fare. And if they do fare well, they'll still up for grabs. No choosing, please.
In other news, the discus were finally officially christened: Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear, respective of their size. I had been contemplating Steven, Tom, and Harry, in honor of the Chapin brothers, but A) I didn't think I could keep track, and B) Nobody knows who the Chapin brothers are.
A little over a week ago I saw Cory (one of the upside-down catfish) with a swollen abdomen. I assumed he/she/it was pregnant, and so subsequently panicked. The next day I noticed Kermit (the other upside-down catfish) had a similarly swollen belly. I figure the odds of having two females who had been able to hide their pregnancies for over seven months was a little too unlikely, and that they'd just had a really good feast after I went to bed.
Sightings have since borne this theory out.
Beyond that, one of the neon tetras looks pregnant. However, it is an egg-scatterer, and I vacuum the tank gravel every other weekend, so unless it has a really short gestation period, and have very large fry, don't hold out much hope.
Oscar bids you peace. And asks you for a handout. I pray you do not feed him; I worry about coming in one Monday and finding him wrapped around the inside of the tank, biting his tail, without enough room to move.
I've been thinking about investing my life's savings to develop, produce, and market a fish tank for the automobile. I can't decide if it should rest on the dashboard or hang from the interior light. Anybody want to go in on this with me?
Finally, the Save the Fishes Contribution Corner has been renamed the Save the Fishes Investment Corner, where you can buy stock (small fish) that are guaranteed to grow! See me today!
And when I kissed a cop down on 54th and Vine, he broke my little bottle of
FISH UPDATE #9
For Lennon fans: Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
Well, first off, I'd like to thank all of my kind supporters, as well as my constructive detractors, for making the Fish Update series one of the most successful ventures ever attempted about my fish. We're up to #9 and there's no telling when these fish stories and anecdotes will ever, if ever, stop. Kudos to everyone who has refrained from threatening me with bodily harm as a result of having read the first 8 fish updates.
It's been a hard couple of weeks in the fish corner, almost as bad as the time we lost 16 neon tetras. Almost as bad as losing Mefi and Lu, the angelfish. Almost as bad as losing Horton, although there is still an investigation going on as to whether or not Horton died of natural causes, or if someone took out some hostility in a really inappropriate way...
Three guppies died last week, one after the other, with no apparent cause nor reason. The fourth one, a male, is just as healthy as can be, although noticeably less happy than when there were two females in with him. One of my teen-age mollies also died. Apparent cause of death: Choking. I found him with food hanging out of his mouth. I've got to teach those guys the heimlech (sp?) maneuver...
I brought Oscar home with me on Saturday, because everyone kept saying he was too big for the tank. As a temporary measure, I put him in the 30-gallon tank, with the baby mollies and the discus, none of which are too happy with me at the moment. Surprisingly, though, Oscar hasn't bothered anyone. He's just as hyper in the big tank, but he doesn't bang his head nearly as often. Current contributions to the "Save the Fish corner" will be dedicated to a pond for Oscar.
I rinsed out the small tank which, of course, is a terrible idea if you want to keep the good bacteria alive, but I was more interested in getting the brown algae dead. I then started to move the teen-age mollies into the small tank, when I noticed a smaller-than-usual molly. I checked the momma molly -- svelte.
Uh-oh. I pulled the top off the tank -- hundreds of mollies everywhere!! Aiiiiiigh! A third batch!
I started collecting baby mollies, which wasn't easy because I hadn't fed Oscar. It wasn't that he was eating the mollies; he was just his usual rambunctious self, he'd nip at the net, bump against the nursery, rub against my hand, and wriggle at the top of the tank, splashing water everywhere! I'd estimate this batch to be well over 50!
The five teen-age mollies (as opposed to the pre-teen and baby mollies) went with me in the small tank to work, where they will be hanging out until further notice. Two have been claimed; the other three are free to good homes. Good homes means, of course, that they are not to be used as feeder mollies, that they receive heat and filtration, and they are regularly fed. If you don't have a home, please feel free to visit, but kindly refrain from feeding them -- I don't want another full-blown brown algae attack going on in there.
Fish update 10
What a week it's been in my life, never mind the fishes!
I am now, for the first time in my life, living alone. I can do things like play the radio all night, throw the towels in a canadel (sp?) on the floor, have dirty dishes scattered about the apartment, and leave the toilet seat up!
I can also sleep right through my alarm clock, watch my towels evolve into another life form, spend hours scrubbing my dishes, and put the toilet seat down to avoid a mess.
That empty apartment that looked so small suddenly shrank to half its size. And that closet which I thought was way too big for my needs -- well, let's just say that you might be able to squeeze in there now, but I wouldn't place any bets on your ability to squeeze out.
(Look, if I'm not funny, it's because I mangled my right-hand middle finger in the move, making typing difficult.)
(Look, I realize I have a track record of not being funny, but THIS TIME I would have been funny! Really, I know I would have been hilarious, had it not been for the death complaints.)
So I moved in, and all of my stuff moved in with me. Then I went out and blew most of my savings on more stuff. My fish have been lacking so I could have such amenities as towels, and pots, and some beach chairs. I'm telling you, convict me of fish abuse and lock me away!
As I mentioned, this was the first time I've lived by myself, and so I had to buy all the "little things" in life, and I missed a few things. First, I forgot to buy shampoo. Of course, I didn't realize this until my hair was completely wet. Second, I forgot to buy a comb. 'Nuf said.
When I started writing this, it wasn't going to be a Fish Update. It was going to be a Gregg Update. But I know that if I labelled it "Gregg Update," nobody would read it. So I called it Fish Update and, serendipitously, I went and picked up my fish last night and moved them to the apartment. I'll cover that just as soon as I tell you all of the neons and the betta are dead. I'm pretty sure Oscar ate all of the neons, and I think the betta died of obesity. At least it didn't commit suicide like the last betta did.
First, poor planning was evident from the start. All I had was a six gallon garbage can, a two gallon jug, and a car. I drained the water from the tank into the garbage can, realizing (again) that I'd "beached" the mollies that were trapped in the nursery box at the surface. I put the whole nursery into the garbage can which, in hindsight, probably caused most of the carnage. (I know how sensitive most of you are, and so I'm trying to lead up to this tragedy in a gentle way, only occasionally dropping subtle hints like "carnage" and "tragedy.")
I then proceeded to terrorize all of the fish with a net, and throw them into the garbage can. Imagine three discus, two sharks, two catfish, an adult molly, a dozen pre-pubescent mollies, and about fifty baby mollies in a small garbage can. Then I threw in Oscar, and everybody freaked.
The fish waited while I drained the thirty gallon tank using the two gallon jug. After about twenty gallons, I decided that was enough, and with muscles that were going to make me pay later, I was able to hoist to my car. What I'd forgotten was that when I first moved this tank, I had to lay it on its side in the back. Well, now I had five gallons of water in it, and that wasn't an option. What I finally ended up with was the tank perched precariously in the passenger seat, threatening to go through the windshield every time I hit the brakes, the fish in the back seat, and the stand sticking out of the hatchback. Incredible, that I can summarize forty-five minutes of back-breaking agony into such a short and pleasant paragraph, isn't it?
When I arrived, I pulled the utility can off the front seat and found there was a baby molly in the puddle I used to call my back seat. I picked it up with the intention of making friends with a local alley cat, and the darn things leapt from my fingers, did a double-pirouette, and landed squarely back in the middle of the seat! Not too bright, these baby mollies. I picked him up and threw him back in the garbage can (I overcame my aversion to touching fish a long time ago -- last week, I think). I smuggled the fish into my apartment because, while the manager doesn't care, I think if my neighbor downstairs found out, it would strain our relationship.
I set everything up and started filling the tank, in two gallon increments. The sink wasn't large enough to accommodate the jug, so I had to use a piece of tubing to redirect the water. Twelve-odd trips later, having soaked two shirts, the entire floor, and my toaster oven, the tank was full, and I started to plug in the appliances.
I get the filter and the air pump and the heater going, finally. I go to transfer the fish and that's when I saw the mass of non-wriggling bodies at the bottom of the utility can. I dumped everything that moved into the big tank, and then started to total the bodies. Fifteen baby mollies and one pre-pubescent molly, died in transit and were given a burial at sea. (I wonder which sea I was dumping them into, now that I'm south of Santa Monica bay?)
Fish Update 11
(...and Bachelor update 2)
Commute update: My commute takes almost exactly as long now that I'm living 28 miles away as it did when I was living 41 miles away, which is about an hour. The only difference is that before I was averaging 41 miles per hour, and now I'm averaging 28 miles per hour. That additional 13 mph was apparently a critical part of my mental health; I no longer have any.
If you guys have ever taken the 405, there is one thing you'll find lacking: Trucks. Relatively few big trucks take the San Diego freeway. While I had noticed this before, I hadn't realized its significance until I started driving a truck-commuter freeway. Monday, there was a car involved in an accident between two trucks; the car was missing most of its outer body panels. You know, you see a steel skeleton rotting in a junkyard and it isn't very interesting. But to see a steel skeleton and realize that Friday you may have passed that car on the way to work...it's a whole other story.
Warning: Readers who may be offended by strong language and graphic situations should not read the following passage. Parental discretion is definitely advised.
Bachelor update: While I've never actually lived by myself before, I believed that I'd learned most of the lessons. Wrong. Tuesday I realized I needed some clean underwear (there! I said it!) but it wasn't enough to fill the washing machine, and I couldn't wash my polyester clothes in the same temperature, and my sheets didn't need cleaning, so I thought I'd wash my towels with my underwear. Now, don't think me stupid, when I first bought the towels last week I immediately washed them, by themselves, in hot water. Thus, I assumed it was safe to wash them with my whites. Wrong again. I am now the proud owner of a complete set of pink socks, underwear, t-shirts, and even a pink business shirt, though I'm sure I don't know how that got in there. ...
As a bachelor, I'm proud to say that I already have food rotting in my refrigerator! Yesterday, I threw away some ground beef (unopened) which had passed away on the 25th or so. Yesterday my milk expired, but I have yet to throw it away. Then again, I have yet to open it. I always wondered why powdered milk had been created, and who used it. Now I know.
The only sore point is my bathroom. I keep the toilet clean, the lid down, the towels hung up, and the cap on the toothpaste. What do you expect from someone who goes home every night and has to desperately fight the urge to alphabetize my paperbacks? I finally threw away all of the boxes that the dishes, the toaster over, the clock radio, etc. came in. So it shouldn't be long before they start breaking down. I'm still in search of a sofa, so if anybody has a brand-new, never-been-used sofa they'd like to sell at a decades-old, worn-to-the-nub sofa price, I'm your man! I'm also looking for a hide-a-bed, in consideration of all the people who have expressed interest at crashing at my place rather than driving all the way to their home. Of course, not as many people have wanted to crash at Buena Park as they did in Valencia, but I suspect that is a result of the hamburger and milk incidents.
Fish update: I bought another copy of Aquarium Fish Magazine along with a couple of cow hooves for my pets. Even though I've never gotten a single bit of useful and accurate information from AFM, I keep buying copies, probably because of all the articles they have on koi ponds. Speaking of which, I've already got the sight of the koi pond set; I'm just waiting for my landlord to go on vacation before I build it. I tried convincing them that the pool would make a nice showpiece if we converted it to a fish tank, but they shot that down pretty quickly. Anyway, the magazine stated that synodontis nigreventris (the common upside-down catfish) did better in schools, and in African lakes they could often be found schooling by the thousands.
Now, much as I love my cats, at six bucks a pop I wasn't about to buy a thousand more cats just to make both of mine happy. Still, I was flexible: Monday I bought two more. They're making a brief appearance at my corner tank, but they're almost acclimatized to local water conditions now, and will therefore be disappearing home soon (where they will undoubtedly hide under a rock and never be seen again, just like my present two cats). If you've never seen a fish swimming upside down, clearly you've A) not had enough to drink, or B) ought to make a beeline for my corner.
Other than that, the discus did something this morning they haven't done before: Actually come to the surface when I fed them. Maybe I'm starving them, maybe they're just getting comfortable, maybe they prefer the significant lack of fish in my tank (although one Oscar makes up for a whole lot of baby mollies, guppies, bettas, neons, and whatever else has died in there).
Meeting update: This will be in a separate message, as I plan on inviting everyone, not just my aquatic aquaintances. (i.e. the .Fish group) Also, I understand some members of the .Fish group do not read the Updates in a timely manner. (This wouldn't be you, would it?)
Fish Update 12 -- The final chapter
Once again, it's been an exciting week or two in the underwater realm!
About two weeks ago, I decided to acquire another tank. A friend of a friend suggested charity shops and Sundays at Harbor college.
I went to my local Salvation Army but nobody spoke English well enough to understand "Do you have any fish tanks?" so early Sunday morning I drove to Harbor College. For some reason, I assumed he'd suggested this because some local fish group got together and sold equipment on the side. However, it turned out it was a flea market.
I HATE FLEA MARKETS!
Still, I was already there so I wandered all : One a large, empty forty gallon tank, another a small, dirty, twenty gallon tank. The latter I didn't even bother bartering for, but I offered $30 for the forty gallon tank. He accepted immediately, so I know I made a bad deal.
One quick note: The tank was designed for snakes and did not have a glass top. Instead, it had a screen which slid out the side of the frame, rather than lifted off. This becomes important later.
I loaded it in the car and brought it immediately to the base. (This was over the three-day weekend, which was a four-day weekend for me, so I had to feed my mollies sooner or later). My plan was simple: Fill the tank, see if it leaked or burst, empty it into the plants, and take it home. I placed the tank on some paper towels on the table out back (the one with the astroturf), slid open the top and inserted the hose, which immediately fell out. I turned the tank around, shoved in the hose, then shoved the tank against the umbrella pole so the sliding lid would hold the hose in. (Got a good mental picture of this? You'll be quizzed on it later.) I started filling the tank, and stopped it just below the top and checked it. Not a leak or a bust in sight! Wonderful!
I decided to fill it to the top then, and here's where that mental picture comes in handy. Because the lid slid out, the top lip of the front glass was not attached to anything. I didn't think of that as I attempted to fill it to the top of the wood frame. Only when the water started cascading off the table did I think, "Hmmm...maybe something's wrong?"
I spent the next half hour and most of the towels in the men's bathroom (I don't know if I would have resorted to the ladies' bathroom if I needed to) soaking that up. Then I went to empty the tank. How was I going to empty the tank? Well, I hadn't thought of that. It held 40 gallons and one gallon of water weighs roughly 8 pounds...picking it up and pouring it out was not the most realistic possibility. Okay then, how about scooping out the water? No problem, except I'd shoved the tank against the center umbrella post, and it was too heavy to even slide over, leaving me with roughly an inch of access. I could deal with that. I got one of my plastic cups and started in.
Half an hour later, I'd removed about ten gallons and could slide the table out far enough to use Tanya's orange scoop. Another half hour went by and almost all the water was gone, so I leaned the tank against a flower pot and collapsed in a heap. When I'd recovered, I collected my belongings and went home.
I didn't have any place to put the tank at home, of course. In fact, the only table I had was where my borrowed TV was sitting. Good enough; I removed the TV, hoisted the fish tank, and then worried over the fact that the fish tank hung out about four inches over each edge. Let's see, that was 40 gallons at 8 pounds each, if that were suddenly dumped on the downstairs apartment...?
I spent roughly $150 over the next two days buying support equipment for the $30 tank, installed it, poured in about twenty gallons of water, and then went to get Oscar to cycle it. I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't just throw my precious Oscar into an unknown body of water! I threw in a baby molly and, when it was still kicking the next day, -then- I threw in Oscar.
Two days later, the molly was missing. While I was scolding Oscar, I saw Red, the aggressive red-tailed shark, pegged Al, the submissive red-tailed shark, so I grabbed a net, snatched up Red, and dumped him in with Oscar.
Then I remembered Red had been the one terrorizing Oscar for the past couple of weeks! Oh, well...
The next morning, Red was dead. Another apparent suicide, although at least this time his body wasn't found across the entire room! (You do remember Flushed's (aka Spike's) suicide, don't you?) Also the last remaining guppy was dead, for reasons which remain shrouded in mystery.
I had been gradually adding water and was now up to the thirty gallon mark when someone pointed out this 250#+ fish tank was balanced on a sewing machine table that it didn't fit on, which had four spindly legs which, furthermore, were designed to collapse! I grudgingly agreed and we moved it down to the floor, where it currently waits for a new home. (Anybody have any coffee tables they want to distribute freely (or at least very cheaply) which are a minimum 36" wide by 16" deep, and preferably around 24" high? The appearance of the table top is -not- important.)
On Friday, I decided I wanted to restock my supply of neon tetras -- the kind Oscar ate before. It wasn't until Sunday that I found a fish store with tetras in stock, and I bought 4 neons and 4 glow-light tetras, which are roughly the same shape but have a neon orange line down the sides. One died in transit, so I opened the bag and removed it. The rest were dropped, still inside the bag, into Oscar's tank, and hooked onto some airline tubing to keep it from drifting. (I needed to gradually equalize the waters they were in with the waters they were going to be in). About two hours later, someone told me the tetras were escaping! Sure enough, the bag had worked its way free and Oscar was having a field day chasing neon tetras around the tank! Everyone immediately pitched in to save the tetras (save for a few individuals who shall remain nameless that were cheering Oscar on), and dumped them in the other tank. Several people say they saw Oscar eat a neon (and another neon was already half-dead from natural causes, so we fed that one to Oscar), leaving 5 in the small tank. All were accounted for and the party, perhaps a little sadder and wiser, continued.
After the party, when I was collapsed on the day-bed, I noticed a flash of movement in Oscar's tank. I leaped to the tank and there was a neon tetra swimming about the tank! A-ma-zing! We had five people actively searching the tank previously, so I find it hard to believe this neon could hide in the tank anywhere other than Oscar's stomach. But, regardless, he was alive, so I flipped him into the small tank. On Tuesday morning, the remaining 6 were alive and healthy. Must be that adrenaline rush they got which helped them survive. I should try that with all my new fish!
Finally, this afternoon I was sitting in my cubicle, talking on the phone, watching my fish, when I noticed a small speck drift past in the tank. I looked closer and discovered it was a very small fish. I glanced up and saw lots of very small fish swimming at the top of the tank. The mama molly had given birth to the fourth batch of babies, right here at Small Computer Support! I guess that makes most of you Aunts and Uncles!
I whisked a few people over to the tank to see, and they politely pointed out that Julie's betta and my mama molly were quietly munching away on the fry. I grabbed Julie's recently-abandoned tank, added some water, and dumped in as many babies as I could, while the other fish ate as many as they could. In the end, though, I had quite a few babies in the tank. They're available for viewing anytime you are. We may even organize a "Guess the number" lottery to see who can come to the closest to the number of babies there are.
Of course, the tank was hardly suitable for life forms, so I rushed off to various pet stores and dropped $25 on miscellaneous stuff. I should be able to squeeze the rest onto a ten-spot. Remember: The Save the Fishes Contribution Corner is going strong. The Fin and Tuna Bay Taker television show is currently being produced to bring our message to everyone who's ever had the urge to reach deep into the pockets to keep someone from being "called home," so that same-said person can continue to preach about how wonderful it will be when we are all "called home."
Well, that's it for this week's edition of the Fish Update. Hope it was enough to satiate your appetite. And you don't have to worry about that "Final chapter" bit -- I'll never stop inundating you with mindless and meaningless fish anecdotes. But then again, you pretty well knew that, didn't you?
