Christmas 2007 Newsletter

In December 2005 Dawn and I separated, and I was too depressed to write a newsletter. (Although oddly, I was still blogging about the B&B: https://speedwellbb.blogspot.com/2005/12/first-ad.html) We reconciled (sort of) a few months later and I moved to Pennsylvania in July 2006, but I knew at the time the relationship was dead and I just wanted to get the B&B open so I could move on. I had hoped the house in LA would sell and I'd have some money to start over somewhere else, but the property market had softened and my realtor was an idiot, so in October 2006 I ended up moving back to LA and started divorce proceedings. I didn't write a newsletter that year, either. In 2007, I did write this letter but I don't think I sent it to anyone. 

It's funny that in this increasing online world, a form letter in a pre-printed card is now considered a personal touch.  Just be grateful I didn't forward any chain letters.

I didn't send a holiday letter last year, and for good reason: I didn't have a photo of Alex the iguana.  That's because I didn't have Alex anymore.  I always seem to lose my pets in any separation.

Of course, this wasn't just a separation, it was a divorce.  That's right, the person who was never going to get married is now divorced—how ironic is that?  Everyone told me that marriage ruins a good relationship, but after living together for 12 years I thought it would be okay.  We weren't married three months before she wanted out.

Had I been smart, of course, I would have just let her go.  That's because at the time, she was spending $50,000 per month on the Pennsylvania remodel, and I would have saved myself a ton of money if I had just backed out.  Unfortunately, I had promised her mom that I wouldn't let anything happen to the property, and it was obvious that without me the property would be in foreclosure within a year.

Besides, my time in LA was over.  While I knew I wasn't going to be an innkeeper in Pennsylvania, I'd spent so much time thinking about moving on that I had to do something.  I'd been born and raised in LA, I'd lived in the same house for over 10 years, I'd been at the same job for 7 years.  But more than that, I'd shared it all with Dawn, and I didn't want the constant reminders.  If I had to start over, I was going to start completely over.

The hardest part was keeping all of this to myself for 6 months, because I knew people wouldn't understand, and I didn't want them to talk me out of it.  So I said goodbye to everyone, shipped everything to Pennsylvania, packed the iguana in the car, and drove cross-country.  (Iguanas can't fly.)  And I'll be honest, a part of me hoped that somehow, once I moved out there and we were living together again, things might work out.  I had no idea how out of control she had become.  I remember her at the airport when we first separated, sobbing uncontrollably, holding me, telling me how much she loved me.  Another passenger even commented that he wished he had someone who loved him as much. 18 months later, when I flew to Pennsylvania, I practically had to beg her to come to the airport to pick me up.

The irony is that we originally separated so she could manage the restoration.  Our original $200,000 budget had ballooned into $800,000, and I thought with her there we might be able to save some money.  Instead the final price tag was $1.3 million.  I could have left the contractor to his own devices while she continued working in LA and still saved money!  Of course I also hoped she'd be able to get it done faster, but when I moved out they were already three months late, they were still working on the main house and had barely started on the four outbuildings!  It was amazing how much was accomplished in the two weeks after I arrived leading up to the “open house.”

So I got the restoration finished and established the B&B, not an easy task but within four months it was already at 40% occupancy and pretty much self-sustaining.  In the meantime, however, the house in LA had not yet sold.  Had I put it on the market in February 2006, it probably would have sold right away, but then the market went soft and it just languished for six months.  I needed the remaining equity to move on—every other dime was in the restoration—so I had to return to LA.

That was a very depressing day.  When I said good-bye to LA, I meant it, I wasn't coming back. Now I returned, hat in hand, to face the shame of my friends who knew a year ago that I was just being used for the money.  (I knew it, too, but I preferred them thinking I was being taken advantage of, not that I was a willing participant.)  I returned with nothing but two suitcases of clothes.  I slept on an air bed for the next six months.  I bought a mini-fridge and a 12” TV.  Of course I ate out all the time, and I put on 35 pounds.  Occasionally I rented a car on the weekend to run errands, but otherwise I just stayed at home.  (I left my convertible in Pennsylvania, where it was sold for $1,500 less than blue book.  Somebody got a great deal.)

I also managed my own remodel, replacing the carpet, removing the popcorn ceilings, and replacing the tile in the kitchen and master bath. (This one stayed on time and on budget.)  They finished just before New Year's.  I also dropped the price and by the end of January, I had two offers, and it sold at the end of February.  However, the remodel and lower price had wiped out all remaining equity, so I was broke.  I mean, I had nothing.  So I did the craziest thing imaginable: I applied for a work permit in the UK, with the intention of moving to London.  However, they denied me – because I'd been self-employed they wanted an "original" tax return, and didn't understand there was no such thing in the US – so I ended up moving in with my mother in Northern California while I looked for a job in San Francisco.  Two weeks later I completely despaired—the psychological act of living with my mom at 37 was just too much for me.  Just about then an old friend offered me a job in LA, so for the third time I moved back to the city I couldn't leave.

The job was downtown so I got a loft apartment with a spectacular view, and can walk to work.  Of course I had to completely furnish it, from a sofa to a set of dishes.  (The funniest moment was when I bought a bed frame but not a mattress, so in the meantime I stuffed my air bed into the frame.)  This is also the terminus for the subway and bus routes in LA so I can get anywhere with public transportation, and don't need a car.  I haven't saved a dime, but I have paid down two of my credit cards, nearly erasing the last vestiges of my involvement in Pennsylvania.  I can apply again for a UK work permit with 9 months of paystubs, which will happen January 15, assuming I can stick it out that long.

Oh, there was one final insult from Pennsylvania.  The main impetus for the project—doing it now, turning it into a bed and breakfast, getting it listed on the national register of historic places—was to take advantage of the tax credits for historic rehabilitation, where I could write off $200,000 in federal taxes.  We'd worked with a CPA for two years in planning this, and he retired just weeks before it was time to file.  The new CPA prepared our returns and said that we could use the tax credits, but then we'd be subject to AMT (alternative minimum tax), which weren't eligible for the tax credits, and so we'd end up saving less than $1,000, and he would charge us that much just to prepare the forms!

So let's compare where I was a year ago vs today:

	2006	2007
Money	Owed over a million dollars	Owe $25,000
Possessions	Had to borrow a pan, a knife, a can opener, a plate, and a fork from my neighbor.	Have fully furnished my apartment
Weight	185 pounds	185 pounds (I've been working out 3-4 times a week for four months; I don't know what the problem is)
Job	None. Quit a job I loved that was close to home, paid well, and with good people, to move to Pennsylvania.	Employed, although only making about half what I was making before, and I hate my job.
Social status	Married and alone	Divorced and seeing someone
Plans	Apply for a UK work permit and move to London	Apply for a UK work permit and move to London
Location	Living in the suburbs with no car	Living downtown and taking public transportation
State of mind	Clinically depressed	Quite content