10 things to do on a first date

They say women like a man with a sense of humour, so...

10. Tell her she has something in her teeth, even when she doesn't. If she asks if she got it, tell her "not yet."

9. Shortly after meeting, suggest she completely change her hair. And her make-up.

8. Make up stories about how you were in Viet Nam, even though you were only 2 during the Tet Offensive.

7. Ask the waiter for his cheapest bottle of wine, then say never mind, you'll both just have water.

6. After dinner, announce in a loud voice that you brought "protection."

5. During any lull in the conversation, start humming.

4. Throw bread rolls playfully at her.

3. Go up to someone with a pretty date and announce, "You win."

2. At a quiet moment, look her deep in the eyes and say, in a meaningful way, "Whoa, I can see myself."

1. Tap her on the shoulder, yell, "Tag, you're it!" and run away.

I didn't say these were good things to do on a first date...